20: Birthday notes aka. The Happy Post

As most of you know by now, I can be pretty two-sided about everything. I can be very upbeat and positive while at the same time be actually rather depressed and whatnot. I didn't want a post that stretched to forever, so I'm splitting up my catch-up/birthday review post into a Happy post and a Sad one.

Feel free to only read this one. Haha!

The day started out with a crummy Dr.'s visit but drastically improved when I returned home. In the mail was a wonderful package from April Nash of introducingapril.blogspot.com

It was a deceptively small mailing package. There were a mini-comic that I read 5 times over as soon as I pulled it out, a set of quote pins, stickers, 2 post-cards of my favorite illustrations by Ms Nash, a gorgeous cow-print portrait birthday card and a Koi portable watercolor set!

I especially loved the birthday card. Not only did April do an amazingly flattering drawing of me, it is from one of my favorite pictures of myself! (How does she know these things?!?! Seriously, its like she's a mind reader or something.)

Micah and I went out for a lovely lunch at one of our favorite restaurants, Mary Ann's. If anyone is ever in the high desert/Hesperia area, this place has the best fresh-baked desserts and breakfasts. For food porn and lots of pictures through-out the day, you can check out my Birthday Album on my Facebook.

The day ended on a bit of a down-note but we decided to treat the next day as an extension of my birthday. I forced Micah to take me to the cheesiest silliest girliest chick-flick out right now. I won't even say which one it was, it's too embarrassing. Afterwards, we went to my favorite little coffee-place near his house and did some experiments and sketches with my awesome Koi watercolor set.

I've been so absolutely worn out by the last few days that I've just been sleeping in since. Hopefully with this post, I'll get my momentum back and be producing comics and minis again!

19: Ranting aka. The Sad Post

As promised, here is the Emo Sheika contained in one blog post. Feel free to skip this one.

I've been really depressed lately. Being around Micah keeps me from getting too desperately lonely though, so no extreme episodes like the one a few weeks ago. (See post) I guess I'm still really bummed out from my plans falling through.

I think now, its hard because I feel like I can't even make any new plans. I want to meet up with friends while I'm in town, when we go to see RENT I want to eat somewhere nice and maybe catch a few art galleries in the area, I have a friend that wants to take me to the Laugh Factory for my birthday. But I can't make any plans at all because I simply do not know what condition I'll be in on any given day.

3 weeks ago, I had assumed I'd be well enough to go see RENT and hang out with my friends. Well, I'm going to see it anyway but I'm definitely not as healed as I thought I'd be. I'm still unable to put too much pressure on my left foot and my arm doesn't seem to be getting better at all. It's going to be a serious pain going to see RENT, but I know I'm going to absolutely regret it if I don't go. Who knows when it will be back in town?!

Every day I keep thinking "Just 1 more week and I'll be better" but that week comes and goes and it still hurts when I wake up in the morning and I can't write/draw/paint for more than 5-10 minute blocks of time. Walking anywhere is a pain and leaving the house even for a little bit is absolutely exhausting.

My biggest concern right now is that school starts in 3 weeks (August 16.) I'm really really really hoping that I'll be better by then or else I don't really know how I'm going to do it. The campus is relatively large and my classes are all over the place, not to mention the total of 4 bus rides to and from school. The worst part is I'm taking 4 studio art classes at 3-hour-sessions each! Unless I magically become left-handed, I really don't know how I'm going to pull this off.

My Doctor is more than willing to give me a school excuse note, and I know my parents wouldn't mind if I take the first few weeks off...but that's not the point at all. I'm so close to transferring to a school I actually want to be in. I only have two semesters left. I worry that if I take so much time off the beginning of the semester, I won't be able to catch up and will have to spend another entire year at LBCC.

*sigh*

I feel really bad for Micah. I really worried him the other day. We had gone to the movies for my birthday and was walking through the parking lot to get to the theater. I still have really bad anxiety whenever there's a running car around but I went into a full-fledged panic attack this time. We were almost to our car when a car turned the corner and was driving towards us. It was a parking lot so it was going really slow...but...I dunno. The logical part of my head was thinking that obviously the car sees me, there's two of us, it was brightly lit and it was going slow. I dunno...I couldn't help it. It was like my mind shut down and everything went fuzzy, I couldn't breathe or move. I just kept thinking "I don't want this to happen again." I kept seeing over and over again the very last image before the car hit me and I flew in the air. I kept seeing the headlights and the bumper, how the grill was so shiny and reflective. I just kept seeing it over and over and over and I couldn't breathe. I kept thinking that I needed to move but I couldn't. Micah finally pushed/carried me across to the car.

I was pretty shaken after that and we went straight home. I haven't left the house since. I get to see a therapist soon (4 days) so maybe I can figure out how to deal with this stuff. I'm already pretty anxious about that, though, since it means getting in the car and driving out to the place. Ugh. I'm seriously sick of this.

18: Weddings and portraits

Yesterday was an incredibly exhausting day...and today probably will be too! My cousin is getting married (yay!) and commissioned a painting of him and his fiance yesterday. I worked at it all day to complete it by night, and decided to give it to him as a wedding present.

8x10 Ink-wash on watercolor paper

The best part, though, is that I got a pretty new dress and shoes for the occasion! Normally, I'd never wear flats but I can't walk in heels yet. After some searching, I found this adorable glittery leopard-print pair. (In the kids section. Yes, I have tiny feet.)

No other drawings from me today. My arm is so tired and  sore from yesterday that I probably should just rest it for a while.

17: Future studio space and musings on success as a working artist

Last semester, I was introduced to oil paints. I fell in love with the medium (that is, after I got past the first month of cursing it) and worked with it exclusively for a while. I plan on returning to it once I'm healed.

The biggest problem, however, was that I quickly realized the dangers of working with oile paints and the necessary spirits and chemicals. Painting in a room that is inadequately ventilated led to awful dizziness, nausea, flaring asthma and other harmful side-effects. I'd asked my dad if we could convert the un-used garage into a studio space for me. We hadn't talked about it since 4-5 months ago so I assumed he'd forgotten about it.

I woke up this morning to hear banging and crashing and hammering going on in the backyard. My dad loves to do home-improvement type stuff and he had spent most of the summer laying brick-work and a cement patio, so I thought nothing of it. Later in the afternoon, he had me come and take a look.

Our backyard

The garage

Old exercise equipment, an extra bed, and a table/shelving unit my dad built

Walls painted pink by the previous owners

I'm pretty darned excited! From what I could gather about the previous owners, this garage had been rented out as a bedroom. This means the walls are very well insulated from both heat and cold, there's pretty bright lighting, windows with curtains, multiple electrical outlets and plumbing. There's also some built in shelving and a mini-bookcase. Oh, and the walls aren't the ugly bareness of a garage. I'm not crazy about the pink, but its better than nothing. Haha!

We have a giant round table we'll be moving in so I'll have a surface to draw and sculpt, while having space to set up my easel for paintings. I am seriously so stoked about this.

I've always held to the idea that be what you want to be, you have to believe and act as if you were that person. That is, if I want to be a talented, connected, professional and productive artist....I need to believe I am and act like I am. To that end, I impose on myself a 9 to 5, 6 days a week schedule of painting/drawing/creating. I talk and introduce myself to people as if I already am a successful artist. I carry myself online, set up my shop and website as if I already am a successful artist.

Most importantly, I try to WORK as if I am already a successful artist. Unfortunately, working on my bed isn't the best way to get myself into a productive mindset. When I had my own apartment, I had a designated space meant only for working. I think eventually your mind recognizes this differentiation and snaps into work mode the moment you sit at your work-table or wear your work-hat or put on your work-music...whatever it is that takes you from goofing off to working.

I'm hoping that with this designated studio work-space, I'll be a lot more productive. I think there will be something about actually leaving my room and entering what is essentially my job that will make sticking to my (rather un-glamorous) 9 to 5, 6 day a week, working artist schedule.

16: Pages and genres

Page 2 of "Love Junkies" done. I decided to start with this mini rather than finish OMGcow comics for now because the minimal style is easier on my arm.

I've had the story for this mini sitting around in my sketchbooks for almost a year now. I knew I wanted to make it "someday"...but this fund-raising venture has really given me a kick in the butt.

I think the hardest challenge I deal with in my personal comic-making is deciding what kind of comics I make. I'm surrounded almost exclusively by boys, having never been very good at making friends with girls. As such, I sometimes forget that there are comics outside of the superhero/macho-man/adventure/fight-scene type. I start thinking that maybe the only way to succeed in this business is to make those type of comics.

Unfortunately, those comics don't really interest me. I guess I have the internet and its immense capacity for underground and web-based comics that encompass slice-of-life, diary/autobio, psychological, mystery, horror and other genres that don't really fit into the Marvel/DC world-view.

I just need to constantly remind myself that if I just make the comics that I would want to read, maybe somewhere, other people might like it too

15: Progress and lists

Look what I've been up to! I used to be able to bust out  4-5 pages a day but with arm the way it is, I have to stop every 15 minutes or so as my entire arm starts spasming. I'm hoping to see my Dr. soon. I had some slight carpal tunnel before the accident but I'm worried it may be getting worse with the bruising/impact. As it is, I'm putting out about a page a day.

This is my (hopefully soon to be finished) mini-comic "Love Junkies." As you can see from the sketches, it features a girl and a robot and more than just a few hearts. :D

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I like lists. Lists are fun to drum up and help keep me focused. When I was younger, I assumed the point of a list was to complete every single item on it. These days, I think of lists more as a guide of what I want/need to do, a way to visually manage my time and keep me from getting too lazy. The chance to strike something off also gives a much-needed boost on extra-busy days.

My to do list these days look like this:
* Scan 10/120 pages of OMGcow
* Scan 30/120 pages of OMGcow
* Scan 50/120 pages of OMGcow
* Scan 70/120 pages of OMGcow
* Scan 90/120 pages of OMGcow
* Scan 120/120 pages of OMGcow
* Draw intro comic
* Scan intro comic
* Prep OMGcow for printing
* Send OMGcow for printing
* Finish Love Junkies
* Scan and format Love Junkies
* Print, fold + staple Love Junkies
* Finish Crab & Manatee
* Scan and format Crab & Manatee
* Print, fold + staple Crab & Manatee
* Finish ultra-minis
* Print + fold ultra-minis
* Finish pin designs
* Scan + format pin designs
* Send pin designs for printing
* Finish RAWR card designs
* Scan + format RAWR card designs
* Send RAWR card designs for printing
* Finish Love/Says card designs
* Scan + format Love/Says card designs
* Send Love/Says card designs for printing
* Purchase OMG.com
* Finish comics for 1st year
* Start on 2nd year sketches
* Decide on Merch for LBComicCon
* Order table supplies for LBComicCon
* Make background for LBComicCon
* Make promo card/flyers/free minis
* Go to LBComicCon
* Find Cons for next year
*Apply to Cons for next year


Phew. I didn't realize how much there was to do until I typed it all up.

14: Numbers...

I just realized that I'd been numbering my posts. I'm not exactly sure why so I was originally not going to number this one...but it felt weird. I guess there's a certain comfort in routine.

Today had some awful parts but some great parts. A friend of mine, Dao, is moving to Chicago. She's lived in Long Beach for a few years and in that time, has amassed a ton of art supplies. When she said she had a few things to give away, I was expecting a sketchbook or two. Instead I got probably $200 worth of art supplies (if not more!)

I've been wanting a portable easel for quite some time now so that came a a wonderful surprise. There's also gigantic sketch pads, bristol pads, vellum pads, canvas paper, watercolor pads and pallete pads of all sizes.

I think what I loved best is that there were some old drawings/paintings by Dao left in some of the sketchbooks. She is someone I admire and look up to as a role model of sorts...so having pieces of her work really means a lot to me. Although she'll probably feel weird since they're very old pieces from, as she says, her "past life" when she used to draw. (She does sculpture almost exclusively now.)

In one of the old sketchbooks, my favorite of the lot, there is some faded writing in pencil on the inside cover. It was a poem by Robert Desnos in french. I was able to translate it literally (thank you, 2 years of French class!) but wasn't sure if I got it right. I found an English translation but it seems almost like an entirely different poem. I don't like it anywhere near as much. The translated version is longer, more complex.

I dunno, for me, the literal translation of the original was simple but had an honesty that really spoke to me. I decided to write it out since the inscription on the sketchbook was already faded and hard to make out. I ended up doing a little ink drawing on the page inspired by the poem. It really is a beautiful piece (the poem...not so much my drawing. LOL)

Le Dernier Poéme

J’ai rêvé tellement fort de toi,
J’ai tellement marché, tellement parlé,
Tellement aimé ton ombre,
Qu’il ne me reste plus rien de toi.

Il me reste d’être l’ombre parmi les ombres
D’être cent fois plus ombre que l’ombre
D’être l’ombre qui viendra et reviendra dans ta vie ensoleillée

(my literal translation)

The Last Poem

I dreamed so much about you,
I so much walked, so much spoke,
So much loved your shade,
That I have nothing more of you.

I have to be shade among shades
To be hundred times more shade than shade
To be the shade which will come and return in your sunny life

The closest English translation I could find was:

I Have Dreamed of You So Much

I have dreamed of you so much that you are no longer real.
Is there still time for me to reach your breathing body, to kiss your mouth and make
your dear voice come alive again?

I have dreamed of you so much that my arms, grown used to being crossed on my
chest as I hugged your shadow, would perhaps not bend to the shape of your body.
For faced with the real form of what has haunted me and governed me for so many
days and years, I would surely become a shadow.

O scales of feeling.

I have dreamed of you so much that surely there is no more time for me to wake up.
I sleep on my feet prey to all the forms of life and love, and you, the only one who
counts for me today, I can no more touch your face and lips than touch the lips and
face of some passerby.

I have dreamed of you so much, have walked so much, talked so much, slept so much
with your phantom, that perhaps the only thing left for me is to become a phantom
among phantoms, a shadow a hundred times more shadow than the shadow the
moves and goes on moving, brightly, over the sundial of your life.

13: Awkwardness

I called the Suicide Hotline today.

I'm not exactly sure why I did it or why I needed to at all. I was just sitting up in bed as usual, staring at the computer. Normally I'd be online chatting with someone or playing a game. I have a lot on my To-Do list but I just didn't feel like doing any of it. I just kept thinking about how my birthday is in 9 days and I don't get to do any of the stuff I've been working the last year for. I've completely changed my diet around from eating nothing but fast food to eating organic foods and being practically vegetarian. I worked out regularly even though I hated every single minute of it. I had lost 15 pounds and was on track to lose 10 more! My big goal was to wear a bikini for the very first time in my life on my birthday and have a BBQ at the beach. Instead, I've put those 15 pounds back on plus an extra 5. I feel horribly fat and ugly. I hate sitting around with a bum hand and leg. I hate not being productive. I feel like I'm sitting here watching precious time just slip by me.

Before this stupid accident, I was doing comics daily, I was sketching almost constantly, I had paintings planned. I was even going to the Summer of Art program at Otis Institute of Art. I was starting on my application portfolio for SAIC next year. I don't even know what I would do if I had don't get in next year. My parents have been breathing down my back about it, I don't know how I would tel them I need another year to prepare. I started thinking of how much time I was losing that I could be spending working.

I suddenly...I dunno. Had a panic attack of sorts.

Everything went really fuzzy in my head, I was hyperventilating and crying, I couldn't think straight. All I could think of was that I couldn't let my parents hear me or they'd come in and yell at me. I started thinking I was going to die. Started freaking out really bad, worse than normal. I kept calling Micah but he wasn't answering. I didn't know who else to call. I hate bothering people. I desperately needed to talk to someone though. So I ended up calling the Hotline.

It was really weird and awkward. The girl was really nice and helpful but the entire time I kept feeling bad that I was taking up her time when someone who really needed the line should have been on. I mean...I wasn't going to kill myself anytime soon. I just felt desperately lonely and panicked. She was really calm though and I think that helped calm me down as well.

She suggested I get a hold of a therapist through my insurance, which I finally did after I hung up with her. I guess I've known I needed to talk to one but....I dunno. Its just this wierd....thing. I know that people need therapists sometimes just to talk to...but I know my family will look at me like I'm crazy or mentally insane. And I just...I can't shake this...I dunno. I've been taught and tried so hard all my life to be independent and to rely on myself. I hate hate hate asking for help. I hate to bother people. I hate taking up peoples' time with stupid problems.

I kept apologizing on the phone with the Hotline girl. I feel like I was being silly for calling a SUICIDE prevention line. I mean...I'm not suicidal or homicidal...compared to others, what I'm going through is trivial. I dunno. It was weird. I've never thought of calling those numbers, nor did I think I was the type to.

I did end up calling my Dr to set up an appointment with a therapist, though its not till the 29th. I wish I could have gotten one a bit sooner. Oh well.

12: Grumpy

I tried to draw a comic this morning since I've noticed that my right hand has gotten way better. I was pretty tired after pencilling it in but when I tried to ink it, my arm spasmed and went dead for a few minutes. Grrr. So yeah. I'm a Grumpasaurus Rex today. I was able to do some quick little drawings with a marker though, which was nice.

Some good news! My x-ray results came in and everything's normal! So the Dr. said I pretty much just have to wait it out until the swelling and pain goes way. She gives it another 2-3 weeks.

I'm hoping I'll be better by my cousin Glenn's birthday. I already have a hard enough time being stared at when we go to restaurant for an hour or so. A 3 hour wedding plus reception is going to be awful.

I've been pondering asking my Dr if I could maybe see a therapist or just...someone to talk to. I've been getting really freaked out and anxious over everything since the accident. Whenever we ride in the car, I start getting really bad anxiety, imagining the most awful scenarios of "what if we crashed right now" and stuff like that. The two times we went out, I was pretty freaked out about walking across the parking lot where there were cars going through. I dunno. Like, I know they're going slow and they're not going to hit me (I hope!) but I still get really anxious.

Just a short blog today as I'm not feeling all too well. The anti-inflammatories my Dr gave make me really nauseous all day, plus my parents had something important to do today (I think my mom went to the Dr?) Being alone, I've had to hobble round getting food and stuff...and being up causes my leg to really swell. *sigh* I'll be glad when all this is over.

11: Allen Duffy's Song and other thoughts

So, Allen Duffy officially rocks my socks. How? He pre-ordered my book, OMGcow: The First Year! I have to be honest, when I first wrote up the post about fund-raising to see RENT, I didn't really think anyone would take me up on it. To my utter shock, a whole lot of love has come my way. Two amazing friends have ordered custom paintings, as well as pre-ordered some stuff. When the messages came in and the e-mail confirmation from Allen dinged on my phone, I seriously started crying.

I think I'm mostly overwhelmed because I don't have the biggest opinion of my own work. I always think "if only I could draw better" or "I need to write better stories" or other thoughts along those lines. I worry that people see my work and think I'm just another hack wannabe with mediocre comics on Blogger. To see actual quantifiable proof that there are people who like my work enough to buy it is...just amazing.

It also resulted in this. A "Thank You" song for Allen Duffy since my hand isn't well enough yet to do a Thank you drawing. You can view it here or on Facebook.



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I also spoke to April Nash today which is always such a treat! I've always thought she was the sweetest person ever on her comic and her comments, but it still surprises me that we have such an easy time chatting. Seriously, talking to her isn't at all awkward or stunted or any of that stuff you'd expect from two people who have never met and live on separate countries and have entire timezones in between.

Also, she totally geeked out with me over musical theater, Batman comics and digital printing companies!!! Hahah!

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This is going to sound weird...but I took a shower today for the first time since the accident! It felt soooooo amazing. Don't get me wrong, I would take sponge baths and change clothes everyday so I was relatively clean....but its nowhere near the same as an actual shower. This is the first time I'm actually felt really HAPPY since the accident.

My family even forced me to go out to a restaurant for lunch where it was super crowded and people were really rude and wouldn't move out of the way for me....but I didn't let it get me down. It was hurtful the way they stared at me but I was just like..."whatever." I can't make them stop but I don't have to pay attention to their dumb ass.

10: More silly songs

So it seems I've been a little too eager about getting better. I am now able to put some weight on my leg and because of this have been rather active, walking around the house and sitting up a lot. This resulted in my leg and foot swelling up massively last night. So now, I'm confined to the bed again...or to at least prop my leg up when I sit.

 My left leg looks like an overstuffed sausage!

I can't wait for tomorrow. We're heading back to Victorville, just for a few days, but at least I get to see Micah! It's been a while and I miss him a ton (even though I'm usually cranky whenever he's around...)

Anywho, another silly song I made for a friend, Deb. You can watch it here or check it out on Facebook.

The URL as promised: http://OnCupcakeMoon.blogspot.com

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I spent this morning bawling my eyes out. A friend linked me to a website containing Jamie Livingston's Photo of the Day project. If you've never heard of it, Jamie took a picture every day of his life from when he was 18 in 1979 to his death in 1997 of cancer at age 41. It is heart-wrenchingly beautiful and funny and sad, a collection of memories.

When people take pictures, often its because something "worthwhile" is happening....a wedding, birthdays, a special occasion in lifetime of "ordinary." Jamie's pictures are of those ordinary everyday moments that we often forget are so absolutely beautiful in their simplicity.

I think that is often the reason I falter in my own auto-bio comics. Every few months I'll resolve to do it daily, I stick to it for a few days and come up with comics that are funny or interesting or visually appealing. Then I run out of steam because "nothing important happened today. What do I comic about?" I'd like to try and re-evaluate how I view my life and the things going on around me.

See Jamie Livingston's photo project here: http://photooftheday.hughcrawford.com/

When I got near the end of the project, where Jamie is visibly weakening and succumbing to cancer, I started getting freaked out. We all know we're going to die, that's inevitable. But we, or at least I, often have this mentality that...I'm immortal until the day I die. I start taking for granted that I'll be awake tomorrow, that I'll have time tomorrow to do all the things I want to so I can just waste today. When I read about people dying young, I think "that could happen to me...but it probably wont."

Like getting hit by a car. Its one of those things I just never thought would happen to me. The cops and Dr.'s kept saying how lucky I was to be alive, that there is an 80% chance of death when hit by a car going faster than 30mph (the car was going 40-45 ish). If I hadn't been able to take a step back at the last minute, I'd be badly injured if not worse.

I'm just....freaked out. The reassurances I tell myself when I read about bad things happening to people...just don't work anymore. "That would probably never happen to me." Yeah...it happened to me. How do I know I won't get hit by lightning? That the house won't be swallowed up in an earthquake? That I won't get stabbed to death in a mugging? That I won't contract a rare deadly disease? It sounds absolutely ludicrous but it *is* possible (if not probable.) I dunno. I'm not sure how to deal with this.

9: Some thoughts...

So, I'm still hurting but its mostly in the leg. My arm still hurts when I stretch it out straight all the way but I've got a bit of a grip now! Enough to hold a pencil and write/draw lightly. I'm pretty happy about that. I'm going to try drawing with a brush today because I can make dark lines without applying any pressure that way.

I have to call up the Dr. too to see about those x-rays. I'm hoping they come out normal....she said something about a high risk for blood clots, possible pinched nerves and hairline fractures. *gulp*

The hardest thing right now is stopping myself from picking at the scabs on my contusions. They just sit there....itching for me to poke and peel them. That really just makes it worse. LOL I'm hoping they don't scar.

I am a little bummed today. Habib (my Gallery and Design teacher from last Semester who runs his own art gallery) keeps sending me the schedule for this month's 30 days of one-night art shows. I had planned on going to see all 30 of them since the gallery is so close to where I live. From pictures I'm seeing, they look so great. I hate that this summer is pretty much all fucked up.

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Whenever I get sad, I like to dream up what my perfect studio-space would be like. I like to go as wild and crazy because....hey...dreams don't cost a thing!

I'd rent one of those huge abandoned and converted warehouses in the industrial downtown Los Angeles areas. There are tons of them being used as collective artist studios. I rent/buy one and have it set up inside so there would be a bunch of loft-style studios with an open central lobby. This lobby I'd use as an Art Gallery space to show local independent artists who would normally not be given the time of day by bigger Galleries.

I'd rent out the other studio-spaces (or share the rent) to other artists....maybe even some of my friends! Each space would have a large open area with huge windows, cement floors and brick walls so we can make a mess without having to worry about it. Then there would be a ladder/stairs leading to an upper loft-style area which would be carpeted or covered in rugs. This could be a sleeping area for those who wanted to live where they worked or just a storage space.

As far as kitchens and plumbing, preferably each space would have their own but the ones I've seen typically have a shared kitchen and bathroom. Maybe its the only way to do it in this type of building? I really wouldn't mind, though. I'd have a mini-fridge in my loft for my stuff and just cook it in the kitchen.

I just think it would be so cool to live around other working artists, to be able to talk and share ideas, hang out around people who are doing and creating. Hmmm...I wonder if Micah would be up for living like this?

Get Sheikasaurus Rex to RENT!

Hey everyone,

Not very many people know this but I'm a huge RENThead. (Ok, some people know this...specifically the people that put up with me singing the songs constantly.) Well, RENT is being put on at the Hollywood Bowl next month, directed by Neil Patrick Harris -- my all time favorite actor/performer/director/whatever!!! Can the stars of my musical theater geek-hood collide any harder?!? I think not.

Unfortunately...I am flat broke. So here I am, fund-raising in the hopes that I can raise roughly $150 in the next 30 days to make it to the show on August 8, 2010. What does this mean for you?

Well, my wonderful friends and readers (who I hope to become friends with! Hi there! *waves*) you can help get me and Mr. Rex to see RENT by pre-ordering OMGcow comics, pins, notecards and commissioning original art. I'd really appreciate it and I love you guys!

Here's hoping I can make my birthday wish come true!

See below for details and keep track of developments on Facebook or right here!

- Pre-order "OMGcow: The First Year" for $15.
A print version of all OMGcow comics from August 30, 2009 to August 30, 2010.
Over 100 pages, black and white with color cover.
Comics will be re-scanned, re-drawn where necessary and over-all made even MORE AWESOME than they are now!
Includes a pull-out 8x10 sketch/drawing/comic just for you! (Requests taken.)

- Pre-order a set of 4 mini-comics for $10 or individually for:
1. "How to be a Sheikasaurus Rex" and "What to do with 1000 cans of SPAM". 8 pages each, ultra-mini-comic, b&w for $2
2. "a Crab and a Manatee: The love story." 40 pages, b&w, color cover for $5
3. "Love Junkies". 35 pages, b&w, color cover for $5.

- Pre-order a set of 1inch (25 mm)  pins. 10 designs available. (Designs to come soon.)
3 pins for $5
5 pins for $7

- Pre-order a set of "Sheikasaurus Rex Goes RAWR" notecards. (Designs to come soon.)
5 notecards for $8
10 notecards for $14

- Pre-order a set of Love/Says mini-notecards. (Designs to come soon.)
5 mini-notecards for $3
10 mini-notecards for $8

- Original Art commissions!
* Original 8 page ultra-mini comic just for you or a friend/loved-one. (Great for birthdays, graduation, anniversaries, or just because.) B&W, includes front and back cover. $4
* Original 16 page mini-comic just for you or a friend/loved one. (Great for birthdays, graduation, anniversaries, or just because.) B&W, includes front and back cover. $7
* Original 40 page mini-comic just for you or a friend/loved one. (Great for birthdays, graduation, anniversaries, or just because.) B&W, includes front and back cover. $10

* Original ink drawing on Bristol Board. 5x4. B$W: $5. Colored: $7
* Original ink drawing on Bristol Board. 8x10. B&W: $10. Colored: $15. 

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To Order with PayPal:

OMGcow Pre-order

OMGcow: The First Year $15.00 Set: 4 mini-comics $10.00 Set: 2 ultra-minis $2.00 a Crab and a Manatee: The Love Story - mini comic $5.00 Love Junkies $5.00 Set: 3 pins $5.00 Set: 5 pins $7.00 Sheikasaurus Rex goes RAWR set: 5 notecards $8.00 Sheikasaurus Rex goes RAWR set: 10 notecards $14.00 Love/Says set: 5 mini notecards $3.00

To Order via E-mail or Etsy:
- Email me at Sheikasaurusrex (a) gmail (dot) com for details
- My Etsy shop which will be set up soon


Shipping:

- $1.50 per item. If ordering multiple items, shipping will be combined. (Pay as normal, I will refund excess shipping back to you.)

8: SIlly songs, gifts and a connection!

I wasn't able to update yesterday. Waaaaay too tired out by the whole x-ray and going out in public thing. Pretty much spent it asleep. Anywho, here's the picture I promised of the gifts Micah got me! He also came by yesterday and brought me ice ream. Yummmm!

Awesome lace gloves and huge purple butterfly earrings!

Another development, I have a new phone! My sad old dinosaur of a phone (I couldn't even get pictures in text! It was all black and white, no color!) has been retired and I have myself a fancy new smart-phone. I think its my mom's way of saying "Here's a nice new phone for your birthday and to make up for you getting hit by a car." LOL

I made up a song for Micah on a guitar app I downloaded (Yes, I'm dorky like that) and its called "Your Love is Like Bacon." You can watch/listen to it on facebook or right here:

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Oh and guess who I talked to today? April Nash of Introducing April! She's a fellow auto bio comic blogger who is also working on a graphic novel -- a re-telling of Oz. We've commented on each others' work many times before and been friends on Facebook but we've never had a conversation in real-time.

It was very different. Even though we're a million miles away and in separate countries, it felt like a real connection with a friend. She's always been one of my favorite bloggers and is super duper nice. It was just so great to talk to her. I don't know how she feels about me...I hope I didn't scare her away. LOL

All in all, this is quite a happy blog post! I need more of days like this. My leg is feeling so much better and my hand has stopped twitching so often. My Dr. prescribed some anti-inflammatory meds which is probably why I'm doing so good. Hope this goes on for a while

7: Public Restrooms and how people are dicks

We went out into public for the first time since the accident. My grandma came to visit from Chicago and my mom asked if I felt well enough to take grandma out to lunch. I figure I'll be out at the Dr's anyway, what's a quick detour to a sit-down restaurant before heading home.

The restaurant itself was quite nice. The service was really quick and gracious, the food was pretty good and it was really nice hanging out with Grandma. We don't get to see her much so its a real treat when she's in town.

What sucked was walking around on my crutches. Its really the only way I can walk at all but I don't think people realize that. Its kinda of this wierd thing...when we see people walking on crutches, we expect a cast or at least a bandage wrap of some sort...something to signify that the person has a reason to be using crutches. A sign that tells people "Hey. Be nice to this person, they're hurt."

I had dressed up nicely since its been a long time since I've been out and I was feeling pretty happy about it, plus its not often we get to go out with grandma. I wore a simple but pretty black dress, loose enough to let me move around in comfortably and use the rest-room easily if necessary. I got some lipstick on (I miss doing make up and going out everyday!!!) and some pretty new earrings. The dress was long enough to cover my swollen and unshaven (ew!) legs.

I guess it looked like I wasn't really hurt. I was really shocked at how rude people were to me. When we got to the doors of the restaurant, there was a couple that got there at around the same time. They didn't open the door for me, just kinda stood there and watched. My dad came up and opened the door and it took me a little while to get in since it was kinda narrow. I could hear them huffing and tapping their feet behind me.

During the meal, I had to go to the restroom. Unfortunately, I had to trek through the middle of the dining room to get there. The entire trip there, I could feel people staring at me. I mean, I don't care when kids do it, they don't really know any better. But it was really wierd for the adults who just...stared at me the entire trip. It felt....I dunno. I felt like a spectacle. When I got to the restroom, there was another lady waiting, the normal stall and the disabled stall were taken. We waited for just a bit then the disabled stall opened up. The lady in front of me immediately went into it. The normal stall opened up after and I went in.

It was so cramped, I could barely get my entire self in there, let alone turn around so I could sit. So I walked out and waited till the lady came out of the disabled stall. I have to say...I've never before appreciated those disabled stalls until I needed it today. There's so much space, and the handles are so useful for getting around.

Walking back through the dining room to get to our table sucked too. I dunno...I really didn't expect people to be such dicks. At least we left soon after. It was just a real wierd experience....I dunno, I think I'm just gonna hide in bed for the next few weeks until I'm better. Its really lonely and depressing, but at least I dont have people staring at me like I'm a wierdo. Plus, my leg and foot are extra swollen from all the walking I did. It wasn't much but definitely more than I normally do. Having the Dr. poke at everything didn't help either. LOL

The good part of today was that Micah came over and brought me goodies! He made bacon soup (so yummmmmy!) and brought presents. I got huge purple butterfly earrings and a pair of really cool gloves. I'm too tired to take pictures tonight but first thing tomorrow!

6: Keep Breathing...

I'm listening to Keep Breathing by Ingrid Michaelson today.

But all that I know is I'm breathing
All I can do is keep breathing
All we can do is keep breathing now

All that I know is I'm breathing
All I can do is keep breathing
All we can do is keep breathing now

Been trying to keep myself positive after yesterday's funk, reminding myself that I'm absolutely lucky to be alive right now.

Its been a week and 2 days since the accident. Some days I still can't believe it happened. I'll wake up and try to get up like a normally would do, only to be frustrated because I can't move my left leg. Or I'll reach up to turn on a lamp and end up laying in bed crying for a while because I hurt my right arm.

 

The bruising is getting looking worse and feeling tender. Its weird because when I run my fingers or an object over my skin lightly, my leg can't feel it! It hurts when I poke it...but its like the nerves in my skin surface can't feel. So weird. Fingers are still twitching too. It doesn't hurt all the time anymore, just every few seconds when it twitches extra hard. My legs have started the stupid twitching thing too. Won't let me sleep at night! Grr.

*sigh* All I can do is keep breathing now. All I can do is keep breathing now. All I can do is keep breathing now.

5: Painted nails

To say I'm depressed is an understatement right now. I'm trying really really hard not to be. I mean, I'm *ALIVE* for fuck's sake. Nothing's broken. I'm getting better with every minute that passes. But I just can't help wishing I could have gone to the beach, or that I could be in Victorville right spending the evening with Micah in Rialto with family. I miss him so much. We were going to spend the entire summer together, instead her I am. Ugh.


At least I get to see him tomorrow.


I tried to draw some more today, no luck. I was tired and hurting after just a few minutes. It kills me that I'm so unproductive. I hate hate hate just sitting around. I miss doing my daily comics. I miss sketching. I'm really worried I won't have enough time to get ready for the Comic Con. I guess I'm glad I didn't take Summer classes like I had planned. I would have been missed out on Finals Week, rendering the entire semester pointless.


Mom and I took pictures of my legs this morning, just to keep a record of my injuries. Its funny because my left leg looks like a huge hunk of swollen flesh compared to my right one. Seriously, you can't even see my ankles or my knees. Its weird.


On the upside, my brother helped me paint my nails today. I was getting really sad and he (very reluctantly) offered to paint them. It was really really nice, actually.

4: *sad panda*

I am so incredibly upset right now. I have friends who are in California from across the country, one from Colorado, another from San Francisco. They're all a few miles away, hanging out in Irvine. Tomorrow, they will be hanging out on the beach for 4th of July. What do I get to do? I get to lay here, in bed, bored and going crazy.

Every single day that passes has been just taunting me. I love the beach more than anything, I've finally reached my goal of losing weight to fit into my swimsuit, its finally summer...and before I get to enjoy any of it, this shit happens. Ugh.

What upsets me more is not being able to hang out with Karla, Krissy, Lynn and Kylie. We so rarely ever get to see each other and when they finally make it down here, I can't even walk.

I hate being emo and I hate being whiney, but FUCK. Its getting hard to be cheerful all the time. Its getting hard to just laugh it off and just deal with it. My birthday is coming and I don't get to do anything fun. Happy Birthday To Me.

3: Bored...

Being in bed is sooooo booooring. I pretty much spend every waking moment online or watching TV. I've started being able to walk on crutches but it still hurts a ton, so I just stay put for the most of it.

I'm getting worried. As most of you guys know, I had paid for an Artist Alley table at Long Beach Comic Con. I had planned on make 3 new mini-comics, a bunch of stickers and buttons, and a mini-comic version of OMGcow. I was also going to set up OMGcow on its own domain and host (it was going to be a surprise :( .) I was going to use my summer 'coz I get waaaayyyy too busy during school to do anything else. Now...I dunno. I wonder if the table fee is refundable? Getting hit by a car is a good excuse to ask for a refund, right?

I'm just really bummed out. This was going to be my first ever Comic Con. I had awesome plans for my booth design and merchandise. Ugh...

I was also going to use this summer break to work on a Portfolio to use for applying to art colleges next year. This has really set me back. *sigh* Nothing's going as planned and it sucks.

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I thought I had figured out how to draw again. I still can't grip so I used a rubber band to hold a pencil to my hand.

It was going to be much bigger, including the rest of the fish (cut up) and my dad cooking in the background. My hand started hurting after only 15 minutes of drawing so I had to give up. My fingers are still being wierd. They twitch involuntarily, its very uncomfortable and unnerving. I'm hoping they're ok.

2: The night of...

The night of the accident, I had gotten off my shift volunteering at Phantom Galleries LA in downtown Long Beach. I took a trip to the art store in the area and bumped into a friend who was heading to a show of local bands. I decided to stay till 8pm...light enough outside to get home before dark, but long enough to hear a few sets.

Here are a few sketches from that night. I hope to scan these in later so they're clearer. The colors are much brighter in real life since I'm using Faber Castell markers.

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Today has been really weird. I woke up very disoriented, thought I was in Micah's room in Victorville instead of mine in Long Beach. I got up to go to the bathroom and stood at the doorway for a few minutes, shocked and confused that I wasn't in the hallway in his house. After that, I fell asleep in the bathroom for a while. (Is this kinda gross? Sorry for the TMI. Please don't unfollow me! LOL)

All afternoon I'd think things like "I'll ask Micah to come see me after work since he's only 15 away from me" or "I left my favorite tank top at his house, I'll make it bring it to me" forgetting that I'm now like...2 hours away.

The worst part, though, is that I fell asleep through my mid-day medicine alarm. I woke up about 3 hours after all the pain-killers had left my system in totally agony. Everything hurt, even my sides and butt. Its so easy to take the pain meds for granted and think I don't really need them anymore or that I'm getting better...until the effects are gone and I feel the pain full force.

I guess the upside to this whole thing is that I've got this huge box inside me that's just bursting full with ideas of new paintings and comics. Hopefully when my arm finally heals up, I can dive head first back into the world of art and be super productive! All production of minis, new prints, stickers and buttons for the Comic Con in October has grinded to a halt so...productivity will be a very good thing.