As the end of the semester came upon me, it became harder and harder to keep up with updating. The entire thing was the most physically exhausting endeavor I've ever undertaken. The fact that I was able to make it through the entire semester, when I'd woken up every day wanting nothing more than to quit...I guess that is an exhilarating thought.
Here's to getting back in the groove for 2011!
Showing posts with label accident. Show all posts
Showing posts with label accident. Show all posts
Saturday, January 29, 2011
Wednesday, September 15, 2010
38: Rambling and sketches (NSFW?)
Oh poor neglected blogs. I'm so sorry. *hugs blogs*
Its been hectic over here. I've had my first couple of exams and they have been killer! (I aced my Math exam though! :D ) I have two more next week...Biology and an anatomy exam for Life Drawing. Ugh.
My arm has been steadily getting better. It's still sore but I am able to use it a lot closer to normal. My leg...well...I was starting to be able to put a lot more pressure on it that normal. I must have over-strained it because it started swelling even MORE than normal. I am now on a strict schedule of medicine, icing and/or resting every 3 hours, and basically keeping as much weight off it as possible. Bleagh.
I just want to be rid of them. My classmates and teachers have been so accommodating but I worry I'm wearing out their kindness. I can't wait to be self-sufficient again.
I've got a little painting in the works that I'm super excited about. I've got all the boring color-blocking done and now I'm working on the details. I love when a messy blotchy painting starts coming to life, looking more and more how I imagined in my head. No progress-shots, though! At least, not until I'm done with the thing.
Here's pictures of stuff I've been doing in Life Drawing class. I've found that a lot of times, I get very frustrated while drawing. I can see that the drawing isn't working but I can't tell what's wrong. Taking a picture helps me see it with fresh eyes. Usually, I can point out immediately what's wrong and go back in and fix it.
I think I've been improving. I know one of the problems I have (it shows most on my homework self-portrait) is shading. I usually end up with a dark line drawing where the shading follows the outline, not really doing much for the dimensionality of the form. Today, my teacher made us concentrate on the shapes of the shadows and lights, instead of just the contours of the body. After being very frustrated with it for a long time, I think something clicked today. I'm nowhere near good enough but I am definitely pleased with my progress.
What do you guys think?
Its been hectic over here. I've had my first couple of exams and they have been killer! (I aced my Math exam though! :D ) I have two more next week...Biology and an anatomy exam for Life Drawing. Ugh.
My arm has been steadily getting better. It's still sore but I am able to use it a lot closer to normal. My leg...well...I was starting to be able to put a lot more pressure on it that normal. I must have over-strained it because it started swelling even MORE than normal. I am now on a strict schedule of medicine, icing and/or resting every 3 hours, and basically keeping as much weight off it as possible. Bleagh.
I just want to be rid of them. My classmates and teachers have been so accommodating but I worry I'm wearing out their kindness. I can't wait to be self-sufficient again.
I've got a little painting in the works that I'm super excited about. I've got all the boring color-blocking done and now I'm working on the details. I love when a messy blotchy painting starts coming to life, looking more and more how I imagined in my head. No progress-shots, though! At least, not until I'm done with the thing.
Here's pictures of stuff I've been doing in Life Drawing class. I've found that a lot of times, I get very frustrated while drawing. I can see that the drawing isn't working but I can't tell what's wrong. Taking a picture helps me see it with fresh eyes. Usually, I can point out immediately what's wrong and go back in and fix it.
I think I've been improving. I know one of the problems I have (it shows most on my homework self-portrait) is shading. I usually end up with a dark line drawing where the shading follows the outline, not really doing much for the dimensionality of the form. Today, my teacher made us concentrate on the shapes of the shadows and lights, instead of just the contours of the body. After being very frustrated with it for a long time, I think something clicked today. I'm nowhere near good enough but I am definitely pleased with my progress.
What do you guys think?
(These are in chronological order from last week)
Wednesday
Monday
Wednesday (today)
Tuesday, September 7, 2010
37: Sneak peeks
I've done a lot more work this long weekend than I have in a while. Mainly, I've got some paintings finished up!
Some of you may remember last month when I held my "Get-me-to-RENT" fundraiser. Kylie of FabulouslyFierce.etsy.com, amazing designer of alternative home decor and hand-made pet accessories, ordered a set of 3 paintings.
Normally, I'd be able to blast through these paintings in less than two weeks. Unfortunately, my arm (which is getting better rather quickly since I started Therapy) has prevented me from putting in the hours necessary. Still...they're complete! These were SO much fun to do and I can't wait for Kylie to see them.
Here are some low-res picture. I'll be taking better pictures and posting in-progress shots when I get home from school.
Some of you may remember last month when I held my "Get-me-to-RENT" fundraiser. Kylie of FabulouslyFierce.etsy.com, amazing designer of alternative home decor and hand-made pet accessories, ordered a set of 3 paintings.
Normally, I'd be able to blast through these paintings in less than two weeks. Unfortunately, my arm (which is getting better rather quickly since I started Therapy) has prevented me from putting in the hours necessary. Still...they're complete! These were SO much fun to do and I can't wait for Kylie to see them.
Here are some low-res picture. I'll be taking better pictures and posting in-progress shots when I get home from school.
 |
| The original sketch |
Monday, August 30, 2010
34: Figure Drawings 2
So I've been seeing my Physical Therapist for a week now. My leg hasn't really changed much but my arm seems to be getting a lot better. They've been massaging it with an ultrasound machine which has reduced the swelling a lot and given me a wider range of motion. Hopefully this means I'll be better even sooner!
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An hour-long sketch from Life Drawing class tonight. This is the first one where I've had time to go back in and put some shading in. I'm not altogether satisfied with it, though. The pose was difficult for me and I feel that even though the proportions are correct and the line drawing is acceptably accurate, there is a lack of....movement...of...uhh...life in it.
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An hour-long sketch from Life Drawing class tonight. This is the first one where I've had time to go back in and put some shading in. I'm not altogether satisfied with it, though. The pose was difficult for me and I feel that even though the proportions are correct and the line drawing is acceptably accurate, there is a lack of....movement...of...uhh...life in it.
Tuesday, August 24, 2010
32: Sketches
I was looking over the archives of this blog and just realized how personal it has become. My intent originally was to have someplace to post my works in progress, sketches, experiments and other pieces that aren't finished enough to post at my other art sites. It has quickly turned into a place for me to vent and unload my thoughts.
I...ah...apologize to anyone who reads this and expected a different beast. Haha!
Some sketches, though! I've found that doing these quick ink sketches when I first wake up help to loosen my arm for the rest of the day.
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So my parents were able to talk to our neighbor across the street, a really nice retired old man, and he has agreed to give me rides to and from school, as well as to and from my physical therapy appointments. We are paying him a small fee but really, its amazing that he's taking so much time out of his day to help someone completely unrelated to him.
I'm going to stick out this week and see how it goes. So far, its been a lot easier on me than last week. Just cutting out the commute really makes a difference!
I...ah...apologize to anyone who reads this and expected a different beast. Haha!
Some sketches, though! I've found that doing these quick ink sketches when I first wake up help to loosen my arm for the rest of the day.
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So my parents were able to talk to our neighbor across the street, a really nice retired old man, and he has agreed to give me rides to and from school, as well as to and from my physical therapy appointments. We are paying him a small fee but really, its amazing that he's taking so much time out of his day to help someone completely unrelated to him.
I'm going to stick out this week and see how it goes. So far, its been a lot easier on me than last week. Just cutting out the commute really makes a difference!
Wednesday, August 18, 2010
30: Worst Week Ever
I've had the most awful week. I've been agonizing over the decision of dropping the entire semester or keeping at it.
The first day of school was dandy until I started getting tired near the middle of the day, then it was excruciating on the way home. The next day, I woke up swollen and sore all over but decided to go to school anyway. As I hobbled home that night, cars honking at me as I tried crossing the street, I started crying. I was hurting all over, my leg was throbbing worse than it has in weeks and everything was sore. I cried all the way home and for a good 2 hours after that on the phone with Micah.
The next day, I woke up unable to move. Even lifting my head hurt. Everything was so painful and my leg was still swollen. I desperately called up some friends, and they were amazing enough to give me a ride to school and back. Just cutting out the 2 hour commute did was amazing. It hurt like hell to move but it was much mroe bearable.
The last school day of the week, I woke up still hurting and swollen but got ready for school anyway. As I stepped out the door and hobbled towards our gate, all the soreness and pain made themselves evident. I started getting panic attack just thinking about the rest of the day. I started crying uncontrollably again, went back inside and just collapsed in bed, crying until my parents came home.
Then came the mental anguish of trying to decide what to do. I love all my classes and I want desperately to take them. I lucked out and got them with the best teachers available. Plus, I really don't want to be set back even further than I already am. However, the commute and pain prevent me from doing my best. When I get to class, my arms are so sore I can barely mold my clay. My right arm, still unhealed and even more painful from the commute, can barely draw. I get home and sleep right away, not waking up till its time to leave. I've had no chance to do any homework. I worried that even if I were to tough it out and keep going to school, I'd do badly in my classes anyway.
The first day of school was dandy until I started getting tired near the middle of the day, then it was excruciating on the way home. The next day, I woke up swollen and sore all over but decided to go to school anyway. As I hobbled home that night, cars honking at me as I tried crossing the street, I started crying. I was hurting all over, my leg was throbbing worse than it has in weeks and everything was sore. I cried all the way home and for a good 2 hours after that on the phone with Micah.
The next day, I woke up unable to move. Even lifting my head hurt. Everything was so painful and my leg was still swollen. I desperately called up some friends, and they were amazing enough to give me a ride to school and back. Just cutting out the 2 hour commute did was amazing. It hurt like hell to move but it was much mroe bearable.
The last school day of the week, I woke up still hurting and swollen but got ready for school anyway. As I stepped out the door and hobbled towards our gate, all the soreness and pain made themselves evident. I started getting panic attack just thinking about the rest of the day. I started crying uncontrollably again, went back inside and just collapsed in bed, crying until my parents came home.
Then came the mental anguish of trying to decide what to do. I love all my classes and I want desperately to take them. I lucked out and got them with the best teachers available. Plus, I really don't want to be set back even further than I already am. However, the commute and pain prevent me from doing my best. When I get to class, my arms are so sore I can barely mold my clay. My right arm, still unhealed and even more painful from the commute, can barely draw. I get home and sleep right away, not waking up till its time to leave. I've had no chance to do any homework. I worried that even if I were to tough it out and keep going to school, I'd do badly in my classes anyway.
Tuesday, August 17, 2010
29: Worst Day Ever
Yesterday was absolutely miserable and I don't expect today to be any better.
I walk a lot faster with just one crutch so I figured that would be all I needed. A few hours in and I was so exhausted, I was walking at a snail's pace. My messenger bag, which is normally a breeze to carry around, hurt my back so much. I think it was the funky angle I have to walk due to leaning on the crutch. Today I'll be trying two crutches. Its a slower walk but I don't get as tired because I can lean on them.
The commute was the worst. Crossing Long Beach Blvd and Carson was awful. Huge streets with impatient drivers honking at me the entire time.
Yesterday, I did all of it in the daytime because a friend gave me a ride home. I'm terrified of the commute tonight. Urgh. Taking that week or two off school is starting to sound a lot better.
I walk a lot faster with just one crutch so I figured that would be all I needed. A few hours in and I was so exhausted, I was walking at a snail's pace. My messenger bag, which is normally a breeze to carry around, hurt my back so much. I think it was the funky angle I have to walk due to leaning on the crutch. Today I'll be trying two crutches. Its a slower walk but I don't get as tired because I can lean on them.
The commute was the worst. Crossing Long Beach Blvd and Carson was awful. Huge streets with impatient drivers honking at me the entire time.
Yesterday, I did all of it in the daytime because a friend gave me a ride home. I'm terrified of the commute tonight. Urgh. Taking that week or two off school is starting to sound a lot better.
Saturday, August 14, 2010
28: Frustrations and a new haircut
I'm not ready for school to start on Monday. I feel like I've absolutely wasted this entire summer. I wasn't able to do any of the fun things I had planned, neither was I able to plan anything new. (Except for RENT. No way was I going to miss a chance of a lifetime.) I wasn't able to go shopping for school supplies, either.
Mostly, I'm terrified about applying for art school. This has been something I've had planned for a long time but now...I dunno. The bills have started coming in for the accident and although my parents have promised to pay for my education, I am terrified they won't be able to afford it. We are nowhere near rich and finances have been very strained since the deaths of my grandfather and aunt last year.
I haven't been able to work on my application portfolio at all. I was hoping to take my time off for summer to work on it. Now I'm faced with the possibility of having to drop this entire semester if my arm keeps hurting. I really want more than anything to transfer at least by Spring 2011 but that's starting to seem unrealistic.
I'm incredibly frustrated. After high school, I had a solid 4 year plan for college. Within the first semester, I picked up the wrong friends, skipped classes and basically wasted time and money. I spent 3 years taking classes I didn't need and failing the ones I did. A year and a half ago, I finally get my act together and I'm so so so very close to finishing up my core classes. I feel like I work so hard for a year and a half and get so much accomplished...but in the space of just one summer, I'm falling behind again.
Keeping motivated is hard. Its really easy to slip into a loathing, self-entitled depression. I feel like I've been such a burden to Micah and my own family. I hate having to ask for help for simple shit like making food or even getting into the shower.
At least my leg is healing a lot quicker now. It still gets swollen and throbs painfully, but I only need one crutch to walk for short distances. I seem to heal in spurts. I'll go a week or two with no improvement, then suddenly one day I wake up and I'm less swollen or I can put a little more pressure on it. Its those good days that keep me going.
To cheer myself up, I decided to get a new look for school. I was getting tired of the old shaggy cut and my roots had grown in horribly. Normally I dye it myself but I can't really do it one-handed. I came up with this look that everyone said was going to be a) impossible. b) horrendous. I think it turned out to be neither! Haha!
I went to the Mojave Barber College here in Victorville. I got a student barber, Joseph, who was incredibly attentive and tried really hard to make sense of my non-nonsensical ideas and vague descriptions. I felt bad for the poor guy. LOL After a lot of fussing and test runs and people coming over to give advice, we got the cut done. The instructor came over and offered to do an all-over rainbow dye job. Not an offer I can turn down!!!
I'm really excited about the new hair. The best part was all the people freaking out, thinking the barber was messing up. Then there were the people asking why the hell I was doing this to myself. Haha! I've never been to attached to my hair. No matter what I do to it, it grows back. If it doesn't, I can get wigs...or sport a bald look. LOL
My favorite were the children. There were 4-5 kids playing around, staring at me whenever they thought I wasn't looking. At one point, this little girl shyly came up to me and said "You look cute." Put a smile right on my face.
Mostly, I'm terrified about applying for art school. This has been something I've had planned for a long time but now...I dunno. The bills have started coming in for the accident and although my parents have promised to pay for my education, I am terrified they won't be able to afford it. We are nowhere near rich and finances have been very strained since the deaths of my grandfather and aunt last year.
I haven't been able to work on my application portfolio at all. I was hoping to take my time off for summer to work on it. Now I'm faced with the possibility of having to drop this entire semester if my arm keeps hurting. I really want more than anything to transfer at least by Spring 2011 but that's starting to seem unrealistic.
I'm incredibly frustrated. After high school, I had a solid 4 year plan for college. Within the first semester, I picked up the wrong friends, skipped classes and basically wasted time and money. I spent 3 years taking classes I didn't need and failing the ones I did. A year and a half ago, I finally get my act together and I'm so so so very close to finishing up my core classes. I feel like I work so hard for a year and a half and get so much accomplished...but in the space of just one summer, I'm falling behind again.
Keeping motivated is hard. Its really easy to slip into a loathing, self-entitled depression. I feel like I've been such a burden to Micah and my own family. I hate having to ask for help for simple shit like making food or even getting into the shower.
At least my leg is healing a lot quicker now. It still gets swollen and throbs painfully, but I only need one crutch to walk for short distances. I seem to heal in spurts. I'll go a week or two with no improvement, then suddenly one day I wake up and I'm less swollen or I can put a little more pressure on it. Its those good days that keep me going.
To cheer myself up, I decided to get a new look for school. I was getting tired of the old shaggy cut and my roots had grown in horribly. Normally I dye it myself but I can't really do it one-handed. I came up with this look that everyone said was going to be a) impossible. b) horrendous. I think it turned out to be neither! Haha!
I went to the Mojave Barber College here in Victorville. I got a student barber, Joseph, who was incredibly attentive and tried really hard to make sense of my non-nonsensical ideas and vague descriptions. I felt bad for the poor guy. LOL After a lot of fussing and test runs and people coming over to give advice, we got the cut done. The instructor came over and offered to do an all-over rainbow dye job. Not an offer I can turn down!!!
I'm really excited about the new hair. The best part was all the people freaking out, thinking the barber was messing up. Then there were the people asking why the hell I was doing this to myself. Haha! I've never been to attached to my hair. No matter what I do to it, it grows back. If it doesn't, I can get wigs...or sport a bald look. LOL
My favorite were the children. There were 4-5 kids playing around, staring at me whenever they thought I wasn't looking. At one point, this little girl shyly came up to me and said "You look cute." Put a smile right on my face.
Friday, August 13, 2010
27: Apprehension & brush pens
I am absolutely terrified of going back to school. I can move around a lot these days but crossing the street is absolutely horrific, even with Micah holding my hand the entire time. I can't imagine how the commute to school is going to be like. I know I have the option of taking the first few weeks off but I think that would do more harm than good. I'd be so behind in all my classes.
I'm just so freaked out and anxious about this. I can't think straight and keep getting panic attacks. AAARRGHHH!!!
Sorry you guys. I just needed a place to let it out.
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Micah and I visited Little Tokyo last week. It was exhausting walking around on crutches so I spent most of it sitting in the middle of a very tourist-filled courtyard while Micah wandered around. Lots of silly tourists asked to take pictures with me. I think they assumed I was in cosplay? That's why people have green hair, right? Haha!
Anywho, in a small gift shop with random stuff, I picked up a brush pen. I love drawing with brush pens but haven't yet found one that's waterproof. They also have felt tips that get worn blunt in about two days of heavy use. This is awful for me since I draw almost constantly. For $1.99 though, it wasn't a bad deal.
I was complaining about it on my Facebook when Dylan Horrocks (of Hicksville comics) mentioned the Pentel GFKP. Unlike the cheap felt-tip brush pens I've been buying, this has individual nylon bristles that make up the brush tip. The ink is waterproof (india ink, I believe?) and refillable. It's incredibly cheap compared to the Kuretake Brush Pen I was looking at in Blick's last year. (I was told at the time that it was the only other type of brush pen available on the market.)
I'm planning on ordering the pen off e-bay the next chance I get. These have great reviews and seem to last a while. Totally worth it in my mind.
I'm just so freaked out and anxious about this. I can't think straight and keep getting panic attacks. AAARRGHHH!!!
Sorry you guys. I just needed a place to let it out.
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Micah and I visited Little Tokyo last week. It was exhausting walking around on crutches so I spent most of it sitting in the middle of a very tourist-filled courtyard while Micah wandered around. Lots of silly tourists asked to take pictures with me. I think they assumed I was in cosplay? That's why people have green hair, right? Haha!
Anywho, in a small gift shop with random stuff, I picked up a brush pen. I love drawing with brush pens but haven't yet found one that's waterproof. They also have felt tips that get worn blunt in about two days of heavy use. This is awful for me since I draw almost constantly. For $1.99 though, it wasn't a bad deal.
I was complaining about it on my Facebook when Dylan Horrocks (of Hicksville comics) mentioned the Pentel GFKP. Unlike the cheap felt-tip brush pens I've been buying, this has individual nylon bristles that make up the brush tip. The ink is waterproof (india ink, I believe?) and refillable. It's incredibly cheap compared to the Kuretake Brush Pen I was looking at in Blick's last year. (I was told at the time that it was the only other type of brush pen available on the market.)
I'm planning on ordering the pen off e-bay the next chance I get. These have great reviews and seem to last a while. Totally worth it in my mind.
Wednesday, August 11, 2010
25: Rectifying the lack of art
An update on me: My leg is increasingly better though I will still need a cane to walk for the next few weeks. My arm hasn't improved much. I have a wider range of motion but it hurts pretty much constantly now. The pain has also spread from just my elbow and forearm down to the back of my hand. I should be seeing a physical therapist soon, though, so here's hoping they can figure out how to fix me.
I haven't been doing too much drawing/painting lately, what with the arm and all. Here's a few sketches from the past week though.
I haven't been doing too much drawing/painting lately, what with the arm and all. Here's a few sketches from the past week though.
Met up with an online friend for the first time. Also met her boyfriend.
Turns out she's not an axe murderer! LOL
Micah and I are regulars at the Seattle's Best near our house
Some ATCs I'm working on for trade
Sunday, July 25, 2010
19: Ranting aka. The Sad Post
As promised, here is the Emo Sheika contained in one blog post. Feel free to skip this one.
I've been really depressed lately. Being around Micah keeps me from getting too desperately lonely though, so no extreme episodes like the one a few weeks ago. (See post) I guess I'm still really bummed out from my plans falling through.
I think now, its hard because I feel like I can't even make any new plans. I want to meet up with friends while I'm in town, when we go to see RENT I want to eat somewhere nice and maybe catch a few art galleries in the area, I have a friend that wants to take me to the Laugh Factory for my birthday. But I can't make any plans at all because I simply do not know what condition I'll be in on any given day.
3 weeks ago, I had assumed I'd be well enough to go see RENT and hang out with my friends. Well, I'm going to see it anyway but I'm definitely not as healed as I thought I'd be. I'm still unable to put too much pressure on my left foot and my arm doesn't seem to be getting better at all. It's going to be a serious pain going to see RENT, but I know I'm going to absolutely regret it if I don't go. Who knows when it will be back in town?!
Every day I keep thinking "Just 1 more week and I'll be better" but that week comes and goes and it still hurts when I wake up in the morning and I can't write/draw/paint for more than 5-10 minute blocks of time. Walking anywhere is a pain and leaving the house even for a little bit is absolutely exhausting.
My biggest concern right now is that school starts in 3 weeks (August 16.) I'm really really really hoping that I'll be better by then or else I don't really know how I'm going to do it. The campus is relatively large and my classes are all over the place, not to mention the total of 4 bus rides to and from school. The worst part is I'm taking 4 studio art classes at 3-hour-sessions each! Unless I magically become left-handed, I really don't know how I'm going to pull this off.
My Doctor is more than willing to give me a school excuse note, and I know my parents wouldn't mind if I take the first few weeks off...but that's not the point at all. I'm so close to transferring to a school I actually want to be in. I only have two semesters left. I worry that if I take so much time off the beginning of the semester, I won't be able to catch up and will have to spend another entire year at LBCC.
*sigh*
I feel really bad for Micah. I really worried him the other day. We had gone to the movies for my birthday and was walking through the parking lot to get to the theater. I still have really bad anxiety whenever there's a running car around but I went into a full-fledged panic attack this time. We were almost to our car when a car turned the corner and was driving towards us. It was a parking lot so it was going really slow...but...I dunno. The logical part of my head was thinking that obviously the car sees me, there's two of us, it was brightly lit and it was going slow. I dunno...I couldn't help it. It was like my mind shut down and everything went fuzzy, I couldn't breathe or move. I just kept thinking "I don't want this to happen again." I kept seeing over and over again the very last image before the car hit me and I flew in the air. I kept seeing the headlights and the bumper, how the grill was so shiny and reflective. I just kept seeing it over and over and over and I couldn't breathe. I kept thinking that I needed to move but I couldn't. Micah finally pushed/carried me across to the car.
I was pretty shaken after that and we went straight home. I haven't left the house since. I get to see a therapist soon (4 days) so maybe I can figure out how to deal with this stuff. I'm already pretty anxious about that, though, since it means getting in the car and driving out to the place. Ugh. I'm seriously sick of this.
I've been really depressed lately. Being around Micah keeps me from getting too desperately lonely though, so no extreme episodes like the one a few weeks ago. (See post) I guess I'm still really bummed out from my plans falling through.
I think now, its hard because I feel like I can't even make any new plans. I want to meet up with friends while I'm in town, when we go to see RENT I want to eat somewhere nice and maybe catch a few art galleries in the area, I have a friend that wants to take me to the Laugh Factory for my birthday. But I can't make any plans at all because I simply do not know what condition I'll be in on any given day.
3 weeks ago, I had assumed I'd be well enough to go see RENT and hang out with my friends. Well, I'm going to see it anyway but I'm definitely not as healed as I thought I'd be. I'm still unable to put too much pressure on my left foot and my arm doesn't seem to be getting better at all. It's going to be a serious pain going to see RENT, but I know I'm going to absolutely regret it if I don't go. Who knows when it will be back in town?!
Every day I keep thinking "Just 1 more week and I'll be better" but that week comes and goes and it still hurts when I wake up in the morning and I can't write/draw/paint for more than 5-10 minute blocks of time. Walking anywhere is a pain and leaving the house even for a little bit is absolutely exhausting.
My biggest concern right now is that school starts in 3 weeks (August 16.) I'm really really really hoping that I'll be better by then or else I don't really know how I'm going to do it. The campus is relatively large and my classes are all over the place, not to mention the total of 4 bus rides to and from school. The worst part is I'm taking 4 studio art classes at 3-hour-sessions each! Unless I magically become left-handed, I really don't know how I'm going to pull this off.
My Doctor is more than willing to give me a school excuse note, and I know my parents wouldn't mind if I take the first few weeks off...but that's not the point at all. I'm so close to transferring to a school I actually want to be in. I only have two semesters left. I worry that if I take so much time off the beginning of the semester, I won't be able to catch up and will have to spend another entire year at LBCC.
*sigh*
I feel really bad for Micah. I really worried him the other day. We had gone to the movies for my birthday and was walking through the parking lot to get to the theater. I still have really bad anxiety whenever there's a running car around but I went into a full-fledged panic attack this time. We were almost to our car when a car turned the corner and was driving towards us. It was a parking lot so it was going really slow...but...I dunno. The logical part of my head was thinking that obviously the car sees me, there's two of us, it was brightly lit and it was going slow. I dunno...I couldn't help it. It was like my mind shut down and everything went fuzzy, I couldn't breathe or move. I just kept thinking "I don't want this to happen again." I kept seeing over and over again the very last image before the car hit me and I flew in the air. I kept seeing the headlights and the bumper, how the grill was so shiny and reflective. I just kept seeing it over and over and over and I couldn't breathe. I kept thinking that I needed to move but I couldn't. Micah finally pushed/carried me across to the car.
I was pretty shaken after that and we went straight home. I haven't left the house since. I get to see a therapist soon (4 days) so maybe I can figure out how to deal with this stuff. I'm already pretty anxious about that, though, since it means getting in the car and driving out to the place. Ugh. I'm seriously sick of this.
Saturday, July 17, 2010
15: Progress and lists
Look what I've been up to! I used to be able to bust out 4-5 pages a day but with arm the way it is, I have to stop every 15 minutes or so as my entire arm starts spasming. I'm hoping to see my Dr. soon. I had some slight carpal tunnel before the accident but I'm worried it may be getting worse with the bruising/impact. As it is, I'm putting out about a page a day.
This is my (hopefully soon to be finished) mini-comic "Love Junkies." As you can see from the sketches, it features a girl and a robot and more than just a few hearts. :D
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I like lists. Lists are fun to drum up and help keep me focused. When I was younger, I assumed the point of a list was to complete every single item on it. These days, I think of lists more as a guide of what I want/need to do, a way to visually manage my time and keep me from getting too lazy. The chance to strike something off also gives a much-needed boost on extra-busy days.
My to do list these days look like this:
*Scan 10/120 pages of OMGcow
* Scan 30/120 pages of OMGcow
* Scan 50/120 pages of OMGcow
* Scan 70/120 pages of OMGcow
* Scan 90/120 pages of OMGcow
* Scan 120/120 pages of OMGcow
* Draw intro comic
* Scan intro comic
* Prep OMGcow for printing
* Send OMGcow for printing
* Finish Love Junkies
* Scan and format Love Junkies
* Print, fold + staple Love Junkies
* Finish Crab & Manatee
* Scan and format Crab & Manatee
* Print, fold + staple Crab & Manatee
* Finish ultra-minis
* Print + fold ultra-minis
* Finish pin designs
* Scan + format pin designs
* Send pin designs for printing
* Finish RAWR card designs
* Scan + format RAWR card designs
* Send RAWR card designs for printing
* Finish Love/Says card designs
* Scan + format Love/Says card designs
* Send Love/Says card designs for printing
* Purchase OMG.com
* Finish comics for 1st year
* Start on 2nd year sketches
* Decide on Merch for LBComicCon
* Order table supplies for LBComicCon
* Make background for LBComicCon
* Make promo card/flyers/free minis
* Go to LBComicCon
* Find Cons for next year
*Apply to Cons for next year
Phew. I didn't realize how much there was to do until I typed it all up.
This is my (hopefully soon to be finished) mini-comic "Love Junkies." As you can see from the sketches, it features a girl and a robot and more than just a few hearts. :D
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I like lists. Lists are fun to drum up and help keep me focused. When I was younger, I assumed the point of a list was to complete every single item on it. These days, I think of lists more as a guide of what I want/need to do, a way to visually manage my time and keep me from getting too lazy. The chance to strike something off also gives a much-needed boost on extra-busy days.
My to do list these days look like this:
*
*
* Scan 50/120 pages of OMGcow
* Scan 70/120 pages of OMGcow
* Scan 90/120 pages of OMGcow
* Scan 120/120 pages of OMGcow
* Draw intro comic
* Scan intro comic
* Prep OMGcow for printing
* Send OMGcow for printing
* Finish Love Junkies
* Scan and format Love Junkies
* Print, fold + staple Love Junkies
* Finish Crab & Manatee
* Scan and format Crab & Manatee
* Print, fold + staple Crab & Manatee
* Finish ultra-minis
* Print + fold ultra-minis
* Finish pin designs
* Scan + format pin designs
* Send pin designs for printing
* Finish RAWR card designs
* Scan + format RAWR card designs
* Send RAWR card designs for printing
* Finish Love/Says card designs
* Scan + format Love/Says card designs
* Send Love/Says card designs for printing
* Purchase OMG.com
* Finish comics for 1st year
* Start on 2nd year sketches
* Decide on Merch for LBComicCon
* Order table supplies for LBComicCon
* Make background for LBComicCon
* Make promo card/flyers/free minis
* Go to LBComicCon
* Find Cons for next year
*Apply to Cons for next year
Phew. I didn't realize how much there was to do until I typed it all up.
Wednesday, July 14, 2010
13: Awkwardness
I called the Suicide Hotline today.
I'm not exactly sure why I did it or why I needed to at all. I was just sitting up in bed as usual, staring at the computer. Normally I'd be online chatting with someone or playing a game. I have a lot on my To-Do list but I just didn't feel like doing any of it. I just kept thinking about how my birthday is in 9 days and I don't get to do any of the stuff I've been working the last year for. I've completely changed my diet around from eating nothing but fast food to eating organic foods and being practically vegetarian. I worked out regularly even though I hated every single minute of it. I had lost 15 pounds and was on track to lose 10 more! My big goal was to wear a bikini for the very first time in my life on my birthday and have a BBQ at the beach. Instead, I've put those 15 pounds back on plus an extra 5. I feel horribly fat and ugly. I hate sitting around with a bum hand and leg. I hate not being productive. I feel like I'm sitting here watching precious time just slip by me.
Before this stupid accident, I was doing comics daily, I was sketching almost constantly, I had paintings planned. I was even going to the Summer of Art program at Otis Institute of Art. I was starting on my application portfolio for SAIC next year. I don't even know what I would do if I had don't get in next year. My parents have been breathing down my back about it, I don't know how I would tel them I need another year to prepare. I started thinking of how much time I was losing that I could be spending working.
I suddenly...I dunno. Had a panic attack of sorts.
Everything went really fuzzy in my head, I was hyperventilating and crying, I couldn't think straight. All I could think of was that I couldn't let my parents hear me or they'd come in and yell at me. I started thinking I was going to die. Started freaking out really bad, worse than normal. I kept calling Micah but he wasn't answering. I didn't know who else to call. I hate bothering people. I desperately needed to talk to someone though. So I ended up calling the Hotline.
It was really weird and awkward. The girl was really nice and helpful but the entire time I kept feeling bad that I was taking up her time when someone who really needed the line should have been on. I mean...I wasn't going to kill myself anytime soon. I just felt desperately lonely and panicked. She was really calm though and I think that helped calm me down as well.
She suggested I get a hold of a therapist through my insurance, which I finally did after I hung up with her. I guess I've known I needed to talk to one but....I dunno. Its just this wierd....thing. I know that people need therapists sometimes just to talk to...but I know my family will look at me like I'm crazy or mentally insane. And I just...I can't shake this...I dunno. I've been taught and tried so hard all my life to be independent and to rely on myself. I hate hate hate asking for help. I hate to bother people. I hate taking up peoples' time with stupid problems.
I kept apologizing on the phone with the Hotline girl. I feel like I was being silly for calling a SUICIDE prevention line. I mean...I'm not suicidal or homicidal...compared to others, what I'm going through is trivial. I dunno. It was weird. I've never thought of calling those numbers, nor did I think I was the type to.
I did end up calling my Dr to set up an appointment with a therapist, though its not till the 29th. I wish I could have gotten one a bit sooner. Oh well.
I'm not exactly sure why I did it or why I needed to at all. I was just sitting up in bed as usual, staring at the computer. Normally I'd be online chatting with someone or playing a game. I have a lot on my To-Do list but I just didn't feel like doing any of it. I just kept thinking about how my birthday is in 9 days and I don't get to do any of the stuff I've been working the last year for. I've completely changed my diet around from eating nothing but fast food to eating organic foods and being practically vegetarian. I worked out regularly even though I hated every single minute of it. I had lost 15 pounds and was on track to lose 10 more! My big goal was to wear a bikini for the very first time in my life on my birthday and have a BBQ at the beach. Instead, I've put those 15 pounds back on plus an extra 5. I feel horribly fat and ugly. I hate sitting around with a bum hand and leg. I hate not being productive. I feel like I'm sitting here watching precious time just slip by me.
Before this stupid accident, I was doing comics daily, I was sketching almost constantly, I had paintings planned. I was even going to the Summer of Art program at Otis Institute of Art. I was starting on my application portfolio for SAIC next year. I don't even know what I would do if I had don't get in next year. My parents have been breathing down my back about it, I don't know how I would tel them I need another year to prepare. I started thinking of how much time I was losing that I could be spending working.
I suddenly...I dunno. Had a panic attack of sorts.
Everything went really fuzzy in my head, I was hyperventilating and crying, I couldn't think straight. All I could think of was that I couldn't let my parents hear me or they'd come in and yell at me. I started thinking I was going to die. Started freaking out really bad, worse than normal. I kept calling Micah but he wasn't answering. I didn't know who else to call. I hate bothering people. I desperately needed to talk to someone though. So I ended up calling the Hotline.
It was really weird and awkward. The girl was really nice and helpful but the entire time I kept feeling bad that I was taking up her time when someone who really needed the line should have been on. I mean...I wasn't going to kill myself anytime soon. I just felt desperately lonely and panicked. She was really calm though and I think that helped calm me down as well.
She suggested I get a hold of a therapist through my insurance, which I finally did after I hung up with her. I guess I've known I needed to talk to one but....I dunno. Its just this wierd....thing. I know that people need therapists sometimes just to talk to...but I know my family will look at me like I'm crazy or mentally insane. And I just...I can't shake this...I dunno. I've been taught and tried so hard all my life to be independent and to rely on myself. I hate hate hate asking for help. I hate to bother people. I hate taking up peoples' time with stupid problems.
I kept apologizing on the phone with the Hotline girl. I feel like I was being silly for calling a SUICIDE prevention line. I mean...I'm not suicidal or homicidal...compared to others, what I'm going through is trivial. I dunno. It was weird. I've never thought of calling those numbers, nor did I think I was the type to.
I did end up calling my Dr to set up an appointment with a therapist, though its not till the 29th. I wish I could have gotten one a bit sooner. Oh well.
Monday, July 12, 2010
12: Grumpy
I tried to draw a comic this morning since I've noticed that my right hand has gotten way better. I was pretty tired after pencilling it in but when I tried to ink it, my arm spasmed and went dead for a few minutes. Grrr. So yeah. I'm a Grumpasaurus Rex today. I was able to do some quick little drawings with a marker though, which was nice.
Some good news! My x-ray results came in and everything's normal! So the Dr. said I pretty much just have to wait it out until the swelling and pain goes way. She gives it another 2-3 weeks.
I'm hoping I'll be better by my cousin Glenn's birthday. I already have a hard enough time being stared at when we go to restaurant for an hour or so. A 3 hour wedding plus reception is going to be awful.
I've been pondering asking my Dr if I could maybe see a therapist or just...someone to talk to. I've been getting really freaked out and anxious over everything since the accident. Whenever we ride in the car, I start getting really bad anxiety, imagining the most awful scenarios of "what if we crashed right now" and stuff like that. The two times we went out, I was pretty freaked out about walking across the parking lot where there were cars going through. I dunno. Like, I know they're going slow and they're not going to hit me (I hope!) but I still get really anxious.
Just a short blog today as I'm not feeling all too well. The anti-inflammatories my Dr gave make me really nauseous all day, plus my parents had something important to do today (I think my mom went to the Dr?) Being alone, I've had to hobble round getting food and stuff...and being up causes my leg to really swell. *sigh* I'll be glad when all this is over.
Some good news! My x-ray results came in and everything's normal! So the Dr. said I pretty much just have to wait it out until the swelling and pain goes way. She gives it another 2-3 weeks.
I'm hoping I'll be better by my cousin Glenn's birthday. I already have a hard enough time being stared at when we go to restaurant for an hour or so. A 3 hour wedding plus reception is going to be awful.
I've been pondering asking my Dr if I could maybe see a therapist or just...someone to talk to. I've been getting really freaked out and anxious over everything since the accident. Whenever we ride in the car, I start getting really bad anxiety, imagining the most awful scenarios of "what if we crashed right now" and stuff like that. The two times we went out, I was pretty freaked out about walking across the parking lot where there were cars going through. I dunno. Like, I know they're going slow and they're not going to hit me (I hope!) but I still get really anxious.
Just a short blog today as I'm not feeling all too well. The anti-inflammatories my Dr gave make me really nauseous all day, plus my parents had something important to do today (I think my mom went to the Dr?) Being alone, I've had to hobble round getting food and stuff...and being up causes my leg to really swell. *sigh* I'll be glad when all this is over.
Sunday, July 11, 2010
11: Allen Duffy's Song and other thoughts
So, Allen Duffy officially rocks my socks. How? He pre-ordered my book, OMGcow: The First Year! I have to be honest, when I first wrote up the post about fund-raising to see RENT, I didn't really think anyone would take me up on it. To my utter shock, a whole lot of love has come my way. Two amazing friends have ordered custom paintings, as well as pre-ordered some stuff. When the messages came in and the e-mail confirmation from Allen dinged on my phone, I seriously started crying.
I think I'm mostly overwhelmed because I don't have the biggest opinion of my own work. I always think "if only I could draw better" or "I need to write better stories" or other thoughts along those lines. I worry that people see my work and think I'm just another hack wannabe with mediocre comics on Blogger. To see actual quantifiable proof that there are people who like my work enough to buy it is...just amazing.
It also resulted in this. A "Thank You" song for Allen Duffy since my hand isn't well enough yet to do a Thank you drawing. You can view it here or on Facebook.
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I also spoke to April Nash today which is always such a treat! I've always thought she was the sweetest person ever on her comic and her comments, but it still surprises me that we have such an easy time chatting. Seriously, talking to her isn't at all awkward or stunted or any of that stuff you'd expect from two people who have never met and live on separate countries and have entire timezones in between.
Also, she totally geeked out with me over musical theater, Batman comics and digital printing companies!!! Hahah!
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This is going to sound weird...but I took a shower today for the first time since the accident! It felt soooooo amazing. Don't get me wrong, I would take sponge baths and change clothes everyday so I was relatively clean....but its nowhere near the same as an actual shower. This is the first time I'm actually felt really HAPPY since the accident.
My family even forced me to go out to a restaurant for lunch where it was super crowded and people were really rude and wouldn't move out of the way for me....but I didn't let it get me down. It was hurtful the way they stared at me but I was just like..."whatever." I can't make them stop but I don't have to pay attention to their dumb ass.
I think I'm mostly overwhelmed because I don't have the biggest opinion of my own work. I always think "if only I could draw better" or "I need to write better stories" or other thoughts along those lines. I worry that people see my work and think I'm just another hack wannabe with mediocre comics on Blogger. To see actual quantifiable proof that there are people who like my work enough to buy it is...just amazing.
It also resulted in this. A "Thank You" song for Allen Duffy since my hand isn't well enough yet to do a Thank you drawing. You can view it here or on Facebook.
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I also spoke to April Nash today which is always such a treat! I've always thought she was the sweetest person ever on her comic and her comments, but it still surprises me that we have such an easy time chatting. Seriously, talking to her isn't at all awkward or stunted or any of that stuff you'd expect from two people who have never met and live on separate countries and have entire timezones in between.
Also, she totally geeked out with me over musical theater, Batman comics and digital printing companies!!! Hahah!
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This is going to sound weird...but I took a shower today for the first time since the accident! It felt soooooo amazing. Don't get me wrong, I would take sponge baths and change clothes everyday so I was relatively clean....but its nowhere near the same as an actual shower. This is the first time I'm actually felt really HAPPY since the accident.
My family even forced me to go out to a restaurant for lunch where it was super crowded and people were really rude and wouldn't move out of the way for me....but I didn't let it get me down. It was hurtful the way they stared at me but I was just like..."whatever." I can't make them stop but I don't have to pay attention to their dumb ass.
Saturday, July 10, 2010
10: More silly songs
So it seems I've been a little too eager about getting better. I am now able to put some weight on my leg and because of this have been rather active, walking around the house and sitting up a lot. This resulted in my leg and foot swelling up massively last night. So now, I'm confined to the bed again...or to at least prop my leg up when I sit.
The URL as promised: http://OnCupcakeMoon.blogspot.com
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I spent this morning bawling my eyes out. A friend linked me to a website containing Jamie Livingston's Photo of the Day project. If you've never heard of it, Jamie took a picture every day of his life from when he was 18 in 1979 to his death in 1997 of cancer at age 41. It is heart-wrenchingly beautiful and funny and sad, a collection of memories.
When people take pictures, often its because something "worthwhile" is happening....a wedding, birthdays, a special occasion in lifetime of "ordinary." Jamie's pictures are of those ordinary everyday moments that we often forget are so absolutely beautiful in their simplicity.
I think that is often the reason I falter in my own auto-bio comics. Every few months I'll resolve to do it daily, I stick to it for a few days and come up with comics that are funny or interesting or visually appealing. Then I run out of steam because "nothing important happened today. What do I comic about?" I'd like to try and re-evaluate how I view my life and the things going on around me.
See Jamie Livingston's photo project here: http://photooftheday.hughcrawford.com/
When I got near the end of the project, where Jamie is visibly weakening and succumbing to cancer, I started getting freaked out. We all know we're going to die, that's inevitable. But we, or at least I, often have this mentality that...I'm immortal until the day I die. I start taking for granted that I'll be awake tomorrow, that I'll have time tomorrow to do all the things I want to so I can just waste today. When I read about people dying young, I think "that could happen to me...but it probably wont."
Like getting hit by a car. Its one of those things I just never thought would happen to me. The cops and Dr.'s kept saying how lucky I was to be alive, that there is an 80% chance of death when hit by a car going faster than 30mph (the car was going 40-45 ish). If I hadn't been able to take a step back at the last minute, I'd be badly injured if not worse.
I'm just....freaked out. The reassurances I tell myself when I read about bad things happening to people...just don't work anymore. "That would probably never happen to me." Yeah...it happened to me. How do I know I won't get hit by lightning? That the house won't be swallowed up in an earthquake? That I won't get stabbed to death in a mugging? That I won't contract a rare deadly disease? It sounds absolutely ludicrous but it *is* possible (if not probable.) I dunno. I'm not sure how to deal with this.
My left leg looks like an overstuffed sausage!
I can't wait for tomorrow. We're heading back to Victorville, just for a few days, but at least I get to see Micah! It's been a while and I miss him a ton (even though I'm usually cranky whenever he's around...)
Anywho, another silly song I made for a friend, Deb. You can watch it here or check it out on Facebook.
The URL as promised: http://OnCupcakeMoon.blogspot.com
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I spent this morning bawling my eyes out. A friend linked me to a website containing Jamie Livingston's Photo of the Day project. If you've never heard of it, Jamie took a picture every day of his life from when he was 18 in 1979 to his death in 1997 of cancer at age 41. It is heart-wrenchingly beautiful and funny and sad, a collection of memories.
When people take pictures, often its because something "worthwhile" is happening....a wedding, birthdays, a special occasion in lifetime of "ordinary." Jamie's pictures are of those ordinary everyday moments that we often forget are so absolutely beautiful in their simplicity.
I think that is often the reason I falter in my own auto-bio comics. Every few months I'll resolve to do it daily, I stick to it for a few days and come up with comics that are funny or interesting or visually appealing. Then I run out of steam because "nothing important happened today. What do I comic about?" I'd like to try and re-evaluate how I view my life and the things going on around me.
See Jamie Livingston's photo project here: http://photooftheday.hughcrawford.com/
When I got near the end of the project, where Jamie is visibly weakening and succumbing to cancer, I started getting freaked out. We all know we're going to die, that's inevitable. But we, or at least I, often have this mentality that...I'm immortal until the day I die. I start taking for granted that I'll be awake tomorrow, that I'll have time tomorrow to do all the things I want to so I can just waste today. When I read about people dying young, I think "that could happen to me...but it probably wont."
Like getting hit by a car. Its one of those things I just never thought would happen to me. The cops and Dr.'s kept saying how lucky I was to be alive, that there is an 80% chance of death when hit by a car going faster than 30mph (the car was going 40-45 ish). If I hadn't been able to take a step back at the last minute, I'd be badly injured if not worse.
I'm just....freaked out. The reassurances I tell myself when I read about bad things happening to people...just don't work anymore. "That would probably never happen to me." Yeah...it happened to me. How do I know I won't get hit by lightning? That the house won't be swallowed up in an earthquake? That I won't get stabbed to death in a mugging? That I won't contract a rare deadly disease? It sounds absolutely ludicrous but it *is* possible (if not probable.) I dunno. I'm not sure how to deal with this.
Friday, July 9, 2010
9: Some thoughts...
So, I'm still hurting but its mostly in the leg. My arm still hurts when I stretch it out straight all the way but I've got a bit of a grip now! Enough to hold a pencil and write/draw lightly. I'm pretty happy about that. I'm going to try drawing with a brush today because I can make dark lines without applying any pressure that way.
I have to call up the Dr. too to see about those x-rays. I'm hoping they come out normal....she said something about a high risk for blood clots, possible pinched nerves and hairline fractures. *gulp*
The hardest thing right now is stopping myself from picking at the scabs on my contusions. They just sit there....itching for me to poke and peel them. That really just makes it worse. LOL I'm hoping they don't scar.
I am a little bummed today. Habib (my Gallery and Design teacher from last Semester who runs his own art gallery) keeps sending me the schedule for this month's 30 days of one-night art shows. I had planned on going to see all 30 of them since the gallery is so close to where I live. From pictures I'm seeing, they look so great. I hate that this summer is pretty much all fucked up.
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Whenever I get sad, I like to dream up what my perfect studio-space would be like. I like to go as wild and crazy because....hey...dreams don't cost a thing!
I'd rent one of those huge abandoned and converted warehouses in the industrial downtown Los Angeles areas. There are tons of them being used as collective artist studios. I rent/buy one and have it set up inside so there would be a bunch of loft-style studios with an open central lobby. This lobby I'd use as an Art Gallery space to show local independent artists who would normally not be given the time of day by bigger Galleries.
I'd rent out the other studio-spaces (or share the rent) to other artists....maybe even some of my friends! Each space would have a large open area with huge windows, cement floors and brick walls so we can make a mess without having to worry about it. Then there would be a ladder/stairs leading to an upper loft-style area which would be carpeted or covered in rugs. This could be a sleeping area for those who wanted to live where they worked or just a storage space.
As far as kitchens and plumbing, preferably each space would have their own but the ones I've seen typically have a shared kitchen and bathroom. Maybe its the only way to do it in this type of building? I really wouldn't mind, though. I'd have a mini-fridge in my loft for my stuff and just cook it in the kitchen.
I just think it would be so cool to live around other working artists, to be able to talk and share ideas, hang out around people who are doing and creating. Hmmm...I wonder if Micah would be up for living like this?
I have to call up the Dr. too to see about those x-rays. I'm hoping they come out normal....she said something about a high risk for blood clots, possible pinched nerves and hairline fractures. *gulp*
The hardest thing right now is stopping myself from picking at the scabs on my contusions. They just sit there....itching for me to poke and peel them. That really just makes it worse. LOL I'm hoping they don't scar.
I am a little bummed today. Habib (my Gallery and Design teacher from last Semester who runs his own art gallery) keeps sending me the schedule for this month's 30 days of one-night art shows. I had planned on going to see all 30 of them since the gallery is so close to where I live. From pictures I'm seeing, they look so great. I hate that this summer is pretty much all fucked up.
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Whenever I get sad, I like to dream up what my perfect studio-space would be like. I like to go as wild and crazy because....hey...dreams don't cost a thing!
I'd rent one of those huge abandoned and converted warehouses in the industrial downtown Los Angeles areas. There are tons of them being used as collective artist studios. I rent/buy one and have it set up inside so there would be a bunch of loft-style studios with an open central lobby. This lobby I'd use as an Art Gallery space to show local independent artists who would normally not be given the time of day by bigger Galleries.
I'd rent out the other studio-spaces (or share the rent) to other artists....maybe even some of my friends! Each space would have a large open area with huge windows, cement floors and brick walls so we can make a mess without having to worry about it. Then there would be a ladder/stairs leading to an upper loft-style area which would be carpeted or covered in rugs. This could be a sleeping area for those who wanted to live where they worked or just a storage space.
As far as kitchens and plumbing, preferably each space would have their own but the ones I've seen typically have a shared kitchen and bathroom. Maybe its the only way to do it in this type of building? I really wouldn't mind, though. I'd have a mini-fridge in my loft for my stuff and just cook it in the kitchen.
I just think it would be so cool to live around other working artists, to be able to talk and share ideas, hang out around people who are doing and creating. Hmmm...I wonder if Micah would be up for living like this?
Wednesday, July 7, 2010
8: SIlly songs, gifts and a connection!
I wasn't able to update yesterday. Waaaaay too tired out by the whole x-ray and going out in public thing. Pretty much spent it asleep. Anywho, here's the picture I promised of the gifts Micah got me! He also came by yesterday and brought me ice ream. Yummmm!
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Oh and guess who I talked to today? April Nash of Introducing April! She's a fellow auto bio comic blogger who is also working on a graphic novel -- a re-telling of Oz. We've commented on each others' work many times before and been friends on Facebook but we've never had a conversation in real-time.
It was very different. Even though we're a million miles away and in separate countries, it felt like a real connection with a friend. She's always been one of my favorite bloggers and is super duper nice. It was just so great to talk to her. I don't know how she feels about me...I hope I didn't scare her away. LOL
All in all, this is quite a happy blog post! I need more of days like this. My leg is feeling so much better and my hand has stopped twitching so often. My Dr. prescribed some anti-inflammatory meds which is probably why I'm doing so good. Hope this goes on for a while
Awesome lace gloves and huge purple butterfly earrings!
Another development, I have a new phone! My sad old dinosaur of a phone (I couldn't even get pictures in text! It was all black and white, no color!) has been retired and I have myself a fancy new smart-phone. I think its my mom's way of saying "Here's a nice new phone for your birthday and to make up for you getting hit by a car." LOL
I made up a song for Micah on a guitar app I downloaded (Yes, I'm dorky like that) and its called "Your Love is Like Bacon." You can watch/listen to it on facebook or right here:
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Oh and guess who I talked to today? April Nash of Introducing April! She's a fellow auto bio comic blogger who is also working on a graphic novel -- a re-telling of Oz. We've commented on each others' work many times before and been friends on Facebook but we've never had a conversation in real-time.
It was very different. Even though we're a million miles away and in separate countries, it felt like a real connection with a friend. She's always been one of my favorite bloggers and is super duper nice. It was just so great to talk to her. I don't know how she feels about me...I hope I didn't scare her away. LOL
All in all, this is quite a happy blog post! I need more of days like this. My leg is feeling so much better and my hand has stopped twitching so often. My Dr. prescribed some anti-inflammatory meds which is probably why I'm doing so good. Hope this goes on for a while
Monday, July 5, 2010
7: Public Restrooms and how people are dicks
We went out into public for the first time since the accident. My grandma came to visit from Chicago and my mom asked if I felt well enough to take grandma out to lunch. I figure I'll be out at the Dr's anyway, what's a quick detour to a sit-down restaurant before heading home.
The restaurant itself was quite nice. The service was really quick and gracious, the food was pretty good and it was really nice hanging out with Grandma. We don't get to see her much so its a real treat when she's in town.
What sucked was walking around on my crutches. Its really the only way I can walk at all but I don't think people realize that. Its kinda of this wierd thing...when we see people walking on crutches, we expect a cast or at least a bandage wrap of some sort...something to signify that the person has a reason to be using crutches. A sign that tells people "Hey. Be nice to this person, they're hurt."
I had dressed up nicely since its been a long time since I've been out and I was feeling pretty happy about it, plus its not often we get to go out with grandma. I wore a simple but pretty black dress, loose enough to let me move around in comfortably and use the rest-room easily if necessary. I got some lipstick on (I miss doing make up and going out everyday!!!) and some pretty new earrings. The dress was long enough to cover my swollen and unshaven (ew!) legs.
I guess it looked like I wasn't really hurt. I was really shocked at how rude people were to me. When we got to the doors of the restaurant, there was a couple that got there at around the same time. They didn't open the door for me, just kinda stood there and watched. My dad came up and opened the door and it took me a little while to get in since it was kinda narrow. I could hear them huffing and tapping their feet behind me.
During the meal, I had to go to the restroom. Unfortunately, I had to trek through the middle of the dining room to get there. The entire trip there, I could feel people staring at me. I mean, I don't care when kids do it, they don't really know any better. But it was really wierd for the adults who just...stared at me the entire trip. It felt....I dunno. I felt like a spectacle. When I got to the restroom, there was another lady waiting, the normal stall and the disabled stall were taken. We waited for just a bit then the disabled stall opened up. The lady in front of me immediately went into it. The normal stall opened up after and I went in.
It was so cramped, I could barely get my entire self in there, let alone turn around so I could sit. So I walked out and waited till the lady came out of the disabled stall. I have to say...I've never before appreciated those disabled stalls until I needed it today. There's so much space, and the handles are so useful for getting around.
Walking back through the dining room to get to our table sucked too. I dunno...I really didn't expect people to be such dicks. At least we left soon after. It was just a real wierd experience....I dunno, I think I'm just gonna hide in bed for the next few weeks until I'm better. Its really lonely and depressing, but at least I dont have people staring at me like I'm a wierdo. Plus, my leg and foot are extra swollen from all the walking I did. It wasn't much but definitely more than I normally do. Having the Dr. poke at everything didn't help either. LOL
The good part of today was that Micah came over and brought me goodies! He made bacon soup (so yummmmmy!) and brought presents. I got huge purple butterfly earrings and a pair of really cool gloves. I'm too tired to take pictures tonight but first thing tomorrow!
The restaurant itself was quite nice. The service was really quick and gracious, the food was pretty good and it was really nice hanging out with Grandma. We don't get to see her much so its a real treat when she's in town.
What sucked was walking around on my crutches. Its really the only way I can walk at all but I don't think people realize that. Its kinda of this wierd thing...when we see people walking on crutches, we expect a cast or at least a bandage wrap of some sort...something to signify that the person has a reason to be using crutches. A sign that tells people "Hey. Be nice to this person, they're hurt."
I had dressed up nicely since its been a long time since I've been out and I was feeling pretty happy about it, plus its not often we get to go out with grandma. I wore a simple but pretty black dress, loose enough to let me move around in comfortably and use the rest-room easily if necessary. I got some lipstick on (I miss doing make up and going out everyday!!!) and some pretty new earrings. The dress was long enough to cover my swollen and unshaven (ew!) legs.
I guess it looked like I wasn't really hurt. I was really shocked at how rude people were to me. When we got to the doors of the restaurant, there was a couple that got there at around the same time. They didn't open the door for me, just kinda stood there and watched. My dad came up and opened the door and it took me a little while to get in since it was kinda narrow. I could hear them huffing and tapping their feet behind me.
During the meal, I had to go to the restroom. Unfortunately, I had to trek through the middle of the dining room to get there. The entire trip there, I could feel people staring at me. I mean, I don't care when kids do it, they don't really know any better. But it was really wierd for the adults who just...stared at me the entire trip. It felt....I dunno. I felt like a spectacle. When I got to the restroom, there was another lady waiting, the normal stall and the disabled stall were taken. We waited for just a bit then the disabled stall opened up. The lady in front of me immediately went into it. The normal stall opened up after and I went in.
It was so cramped, I could barely get my entire self in there, let alone turn around so I could sit. So I walked out and waited till the lady came out of the disabled stall. I have to say...I've never before appreciated those disabled stalls until I needed it today. There's so much space, and the handles are so useful for getting around.
Walking back through the dining room to get to our table sucked too. I dunno...I really didn't expect people to be such dicks. At least we left soon after. It was just a real wierd experience....I dunno, I think I'm just gonna hide in bed for the next few weeks until I'm better. Its really lonely and depressing, but at least I dont have people staring at me like I'm a wierdo. Plus, my leg and foot are extra swollen from all the walking I did. It wasn't much but definitely more than I normally do. Having the Dr. poke at everything didn't help either. LOL
The good part of today was that Micah came over and brought me goodies! He made bacon soup (so yummmmmy!) and brought presents. I got huge purple butterfly earrings and a pair of really cool gloves. I'm too tired to take pictures tonight but first thing tomorrow!
Saturday, July 3, 2010
4: *sad panda*
I am so incredibly upset right now. I have friends who are in California from across the country, one from Colorado, another from San Francisco. They're all a few miles away, hanging out in Irvine. Tomorrow, they will be hanging out on the beach for 4th of July. What do I get to do? I get to lay here, in bed, bored and going crazy.
Every single day that passes has been just taunting me. I love the beach more than anything, I've finally reached my goal of losing weight to fit into my swimsuit, its finally summer...and before I get to enjoy any of it, this shit happens. Ugh.
What upsets me more is not being able to hang out with Karla, Krissy, Lynn and Kylie. We so rarely ever get to see each other and when they finally make it down here, I can't even walk.
I hate being emo and I hate being whiney, but FUCK. Its getting hard to be cheerful all the time. Its getting hard to just laugh it off and just deal with it. My birthday is coming and I don't get to do anything fun. Happy Birthday To Me.
Every single day that passes has been just taunting me. I love the beach more than anything, I've finally reached my goal of losing weight to fit into my swimsuit, its finally summer...and before I get to enjoy any of it, this shit happens. Ugh.
What upsets me more is not being able to hang out with Karla, Krissy, Lynn and Kylie. We so rarely ever get to see each other and when they finally make it down here, I can't even walk.
I hate being emo and I hate being whiney, but FUCK. Its getting hard to be cheerful all the time. Its getting hard to just laugh it off and just deal with it. My birthday is coming and I don't get to do anything fun. Happy Birthday To Me.
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