Makeshift bedroom studio

Back home in Long Beach, I have a whole garage to use as a studio. I usually leave all my supplies sprawled out in a fit of creative mess. Unfortunately, visiting Micah usually means sharing his 100 sq. ft. bedroom.

Here's my set-up:

Yay natural day-light! I have my sketchbook or tablet on the bed and a small table in front. Under the laptop is a printer-scanner. To the right on the floor is a tub of all my sketchbook and art supplies. I keep my pens and brushes in a tin so I just reach down for them as needed.

Here is my studio in a tub:

Contents of tub from top to bottom:

1. Paper sacks full of finished comic pages sandwiched between cardboard (for safekeeping.)
2. Pad of 9x12 watercolor paper
3. Pad of 9x12 bristol paper
4. Packs of cardstock paper. White, purple, green and blue (used for mini-comic covers.)
5. Sketchbooks (5 total)
6. Business ledger
7. Packing tape
8. Tin of watercolor pencils, watercolor tube paints and ink
9. Stapler
10. Tin of brushes, pencils, pens, markers etc
11. Can of fixative spray
12. Plastic pallettes

On the left:
1. Paint rag
2. Watercolor pan

On the right:
1. Envelopes, bubble mailers, boxes etc. For shipping orders.
2. Ruler
3. Travel-sized watercolor kit (from April Nash!)
4. Pencil box full of wires, xacto knife, box-cutter, pliers, scissors.


And here's it all put away! I tried to be as compact as possible otherwise there's barely any room to walk through:

28: Frustrations and a new haircut

I'm not ready for school to start on Monday. I feel like I've absolutely wasted this entire summer. I wasn't able to do any of the fun things I had planned, neither was I able to plan anything new. (Except for RENT. No way was I going to miss a chance of a lifetime.) I wasn't able to go shopping for school supplies, either.

Mostly, I'm terrified about applying for art school. This has been something I've had planned for a long time but now...I dunno. The bills have started coming in for the accident and although my parents have promised to pay for my education, I am terrified they won't be able to afford it. We are nowhere near rich and finances have been very strained since the deaths of my grandfather and aunt last year.

I haven't been able to work on my application portfolio at all. I was hoping to take my time off for summer to work on it. Now I'm faced with the possibility of having to drop this entire semester if my arm keeps hurting. I really want more than anything to transfer at least by Spring 2011 but that's starting to seem unrealistic.

I'm incredibly frustrated. After high school, I had a solid 4 year plan for college. Within the first semester, I picked up the wrong friends, skipped classes and basically wasted time and money. I spent 3 years taking classes I didn't need and failing the ones I did. A year and a half ago, I finally get my act together and I'm so so so very close to finishing up my core classes. I feel like I work so hard for a year and a half and get so much accomplished...but in the space of just one summer, I'm falling behind again.

Keeping motivated is hard. Its really easy to slip into a loathing, self-entitled depression. I feel like I've been such a burden to Micah and my own family. I hate having to ask for help for simple shit like making food or even getting into the shower.

At least my leg is healing a lot quicker now. It still gets swollen and throbs painfully, but I only need one crutch to walk for short distances. I seem to heal in spurts. I'll go a week or two with no improvement, then suddenly one day I wake up and I'm less swollen or I can put a little more pressure on it. Its those good days that keep me going.

To cheer myself up, I decided to get a new look for school. I was getting tired of the old shaggy cut and my roots had grown in horribly. Normally I dye it myself but I can't really do it one-handed. I came up with this look that everyone said was going to be a) impossible. b) horrendous. I think it turned out to be neither! Haha!

I went to the Mojave Barber College here in Victorville. I got a student barber, Joseph, who was incredibly attentive and tried really hard to make sense of my non-nonsensical ideas and vague descriptions. I felt bad for the poor guy. LOL After a lot of fussing and test runs and people coming over to give advice, we got the cut done. The instructor came over and offered to do an all-over rainbow dye job. Not an offer I can turn down!!!

I'm really excited about the new hair. The best part was all the people freaking out, thinking the barber was messing up. Then there were the people asking why the hell I was doing this to myself. Haha! I've never been to attached to my hair. No matter what I do to it, it grows back. If it doesn't, I can get wigs...or sport a bald look. LOL

My favorite were the children. There were 4-5 kids playing around, staring at me whenever they thought I wasn't looking. At one point, this little girl shyly came up to me and said "You look cute." Put a smile right on my face.

26: Sketches and mustaches

An exhausting day but one I needed. Met up with some friends in town I haven't seen in a long time. I have the bad habit of waiting till the last minute to do so.

Howard and Micah at Seattle's Best

Mustaches!

And I got my very first mini-comic printed!

19: Ranting aka. The Sad Post

As promised, here is the Emo Sheika contained in one blog post. Feel free to skip this one.

I've been really depressed lately. Being around Micah keeps me from getting too desperately lonely though, so no extreme episodes like the one a few weeks ago. (See post) I guess I'm still really bummed out from my plans falling through.

I think now, its hard because I feel like I can't even make any new plans. I want to meet up with friends while I'm in town, when we go to see RENT I want to eat somewhere nice and maybe catch a few art galleries in the area, I have a friend that wants to take me to the Laugh Factory for my birthday. But I can't make any plans at all because I simply do not know what condition I'll be in on any given day.

3 weeks ago, I had assumed I'd be well enough to go see RENT and hang out with my friends. Well, I'm going to see it anyway but I'm definitely not as healed as I thought I'd be. I'm still unable to put too much pressure on my left foot and my arm doesn't seem to be getting better at all. It's going to be a serious pain going to see RENT, but I know I'm going to absolutely regret it if I don't go. Who knows when it will be back in town?!

Every day I keep thinking "Just 1 more week and I'll be better" but that week comes and goes and it still hurts when I wake up in the morning and I can't write/draw/paint for more than 5-10 minute blocks of time. Walking anywhere is a pain and leaving the house even for a little bit is absolutely exhausting.

My biggest concern right now is that school starts in 3 weeks (August 16.) I'm really really really hoping that I'll be better by then or else I don't really know how I'm going to do it. The campus is relatively large and my classes are all over the place, not to mention the total of 4 bus rides to and from school. The worst part is I'm taking 4 studio art classes at 3-hour-sessions each! Unless I magically become left-handed, I really don't know how I'm going to pull this off.

My Doctor is more than willing to give me a school excuse note, and I know my parents wouldn't mind if I take the first few weeks off...but that's not the point at all. I'm so close to transferring to a school I actually want to be in. I only have two semesters left. I worry that if I take so much time off the beginning of the semester, I won't be able to catch up and will have to spend another entire year at LBCC.

*sigh*

I feel really bad for Micah. I really worried him the other day. We had gone to the movies for my birthday and was walking through the parking lot to get to the theater. I still have really bad anxiety whenever there's a running car around but I went into a full-fledged panic attack this time. We were almost to our car when a car turned the corner and was driving towards us. It was a parking lot so it was going really slow...but...I dunno. The logical part of my head was thinking that obviously the car sees me, there's two of us, it was brightly lit and it was going slow. I dunno...I couldn't help it. It was like my mind shut down and everything went fuzzy, I couldn't breathe or move. I just kept thinking "I don't want this to happen again." I kept seeing over and over again the very last image before the car hit me and I flew in the air. I kept seeing the headlights and the bumper, how the grill was so shiny and reflective. I just kept seeing it over and over and over and I couldn't breathe. I kept thinking that I needed to move but I couldn't. Micah finally pushed/carried me across to the car.

I was pretty shaken after that and we went straight home. I haven't left the house since. I get to see a therapist soon (4 days) so maybe I can figure out how to deal with this stuff. I'm already pretty anxious about that, though, since it means getting in the car and driving out to the place. Ugh. I'm seriously sick of this.

7: Public Restrooms and how people are dicks

We went out into public for the first time since the accident. My grandma came to visit from Chicago and my mom asked if I felt well enough to take grandma out to lunch. I figure I'll be out at the Dr's anyway, what's a quick detour to a sit-down restaurant before heading home.

The restaurant itself was quite nice. The service was really quick and gracious, the food was pretty good and it was really nice hanging out with Grandma. We don't get to see her much so its a real treat when she's in town.

What sucked was walking around on my crutches. Its really the only way I can walk at all but I don't think people realize that. Its kinda of this wierd thing...when we see people walking on crutches, we expect a cast or at least a bandage wrap of some sort...something to signify that the person has a reason to be using crutches. A sign that tells people "Hey. Be nice to this person, they're hurt."

I had dressed up nicely since its been a long time since I've been out and I was feeling pretty happy about it, plus its not often we get to go out with grandma. I wore a simple but pretty black dress, loose enough to let me move around in comfortably and use the rest-room easily if necessary. I got some lipstick on (I miss doing make up and going out everyday!!!) and some pretty new earrings. The dress was long enough to cover my swollen and unshaven (ew!) legs.

I guess it looked like I wasn't really hurt. I was really shocked at how rude people were to me. When we got to the doors of the restaurant, there was a couple that got there at around the same time. They didn't open the door for me, just kinda stood there and watched. My dad came up and opened the door and it took me a little while to get in since it was kinda narrow. I could hear them huffing and tapping their feet behind me.

During the meal, I had to go to the restroom. Unfortunately, I had to trek through the middle of the dining room to get there. The entire trip there, I could feel people staring at me. I mean, I don't care when kids do it, they don't really know any better. But it was really wierd for the adults who just...stared at me the entire trip. It felt....I dunno. I felt like a spectacle. When I got to the restroom, there was another lady waiting, the normal stall and the disabled stall were taken. We waited for just a bit then the disabled stall opened up. The lady in front of me immediately went into it. The normal stall opened up after and I went in.

It was so cramped, I could barely get my entire self in there, let alone turn around so I could sit. So I walked out and waited till the lady came out of the disabled stall. I have to say...I've never before appreciated those disabled stalls until I needed it today. There's so much space, and the handles are so useful for getting around.

Walking back through the dining room to get to our table sucked too. I dunno...I really didn't expect people to be such dicks. At least we left soon after. It was just a real wierd experience....I dunno, I think I'm just gonna hide in bed for the next few weeks until I'm better. Its really lonely and depressing, but at least I dont have people staring at me like I'm a wierdo. Plus, my leg and foot are extra swollen from all the walking I did. It wasn't much but definitely more than I normally do. Having the Dr. poke at everything didn't help either. LOL

The good part of today was that Micah came over and brought me goodies! He made bacon soup (so yummmmmy!) and brought presents. I got huge purple butterfly earrings and a pair of really cool gloves. I'm too tired to take pictures tonight but first thing tomorrow!